Have you undergone some form of betrayal?

Coming from a rather awkward kind of upbringing, it would be understandable as to why I find forgiveness an alien term. I was brought up in an environment whereby an eye for an eye was the best recipe for justice. Illicit passion and acts of betrayal were treated with the contempt and disregard that they deserved. Be as it may, humans (me included) undergo some form of transformation, a certain kind of transformation that ultimately changes who we are, how we see things, how we respond to them and ultimately how we cope with them. Our priorities, beliefs and even outlook in life keep changing as we set out to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds.

Naturally, I was never the kind of person who takes any form of betrayal lightly. I value friendship, in fact, it’s correct to say that I respect the institution of friendship. I am living proof to the sacrifices that a friend can make, to the support (both moral, financial, emotional and even psychological) a friend offers and inadvertently the value he/she adds to your life. From an early age, I valued and treated my friends with utmost respect, I valued them and held them in high esteem and I always prayed that it will always be the same. However, as you will agree with me, things happen and at times you find yourself on the receiving end.

You get betrayed by friends you trusted with your life, get betrayed by your lover, get betrayed by your family and so on and so forth. Dear diary, I don’t know what hurts more. I don’t know if it’s the fact that someone took you for granted or if it’s the very act of betrayal. I have tried figuring out what makes a person a hypocrite, what makes a lover hit below the belt, what makes a family turn on their own blood. It seems to me like there are some things which are meant to happen but whose answers are a mirage. What do you do when the person you love gets entangled or involved in illicit passion behind your back?

Do you rush to point an accusing finger? Do you throw tantrums at how heartless they are? Or do you simply rant about how they never respected the sanctity of your relationship? Dear diary, the truth is that for every action there is a reaction. Am not in any way saying that infidelity, unfaithfulness and betrayal should be upheld or sanctified. The truth of the matter is that people need to realize that they have a responsibility. While there are those who lie, cheat and betray their partners because it’s in their nature, there are those whose actions are an informed by an underlying problem, or simply put, they react to what is happening in their environment.

When you don’t appreciate your wife/girlfriend, never tell her those sweet words, never respects her, ignores her, tell her mean things bla bla bla ..Would you blame her if she cheated? Yeah women are emotional creatures and even the most strong willed woman would find herself complacent when she eventually finds that man who complements her and shows her how much of a person she is. What am trying to say dear diary is that acts of infidelity can be drastically reduced if people knew their role and actually played it! For long, the burden has been placed on one side of the relationship, one side of the marriage. But let’s face it, it takes two to tango! 

Have we in any way contributed to what they have turned out to be? By looking deep down within ourselves, we can tell whether we are truly justified to be angry or not. We can know whether we pushed the button for far too long or whether we need to change the way we approach the marriage or relationship. Sometimes we tend to do things in the heat of the moment, utter things that later we wish we could take back, find pleasure in character assassination and ultimately resort to belittling one another for the satisfaction of it. What we seldom realize is that we are all humans and we are bound to err every once in a while.

Betrayal can take many forms. You need to sit down and find out what really happen, find out why things are the way they are, how to move forward from there and basically how to turn your tragedy into a success story. For those who thrive on backstabbing, those who feel that the only way they can become relevant in life is when they become puppets to people who care little about them-here is news for you-at the end of the day, the truth always comes out. You need to avoid friends or rather individuals who pretend to be your friends but blow hot and cold. You need to align yourself with friends you can count on at any time, friends who understand the value of friendship, friends who can go to any lengths to protect this very important institution and above all friends who are willing to walk the talk.

You don’t need friends who are professionals at manufacturing lies, friends who assassinate your character every chance they get or friends who thrive on mediocrity and idle chatter. A friend needs to be there for you, he/she should be that one person you can count on in any situation, fight for you, and always give you good advice. When the wind of betrayal blows, keep in mind that it’s not your loss but their loss. Just make sure your lover, your friend, or your family friend knows how you felt. At the end of the day, trust cannot be bought. Once it’s broken, it becomes very difficult for things to go back the way they were. What I know is that on reflection, regrets will always be there. 

For all those who have been betrayed, there is more to life than the stupid or cowardly act of betrayal. Life must go on and you need to keep such friends or lovers at arm’s length, re-evaluate yourself and move on with your life as if they never existed! In as much as forgiveness might be difficult, sometimes it’s the only gift you can give to a person who betrayed you. Have a betrayal free month dear diarians!