Dear diary
They say life is too short for regrets
that you don't have to spend your future or your presents on regrets, but how
can one live without regrets? Does it mean they never done anything regrettable or they just pretend not to care? Everyday we make choices, it can be consciously or unconsciously and in this process we may find our selves making the wrong choices, choices we are not proud of, it can be wrong choices on relationships, wrong life
choices, getting drunk or may be making a fool you're yourself. There are times in our lives we have made decisions that hurt those we loved and even hurt ourselves on other occasions. These
decisions left scars in us, scars that remind us of what we did, of what we didn't do and of what we could have done better. These scars can never be
removed nor can they be covered by whatever good deed you decide to do today.
They will always be part of you.
There are days, times in our lives
that certain things could have happened to us, make us happier or better but
somehow they didn’t. There a lot of magic moments that were taken by the wind
when we were hoping for a better time to make things happen, little did we know
the hand of destiny will change everything leaving us full of regrets with lost
time that we will never regain. When I look at myself, I have a number of scars
with me, for the wounds that were caused by people who were close to me, for the
things that I did to myself and to others, for the time I wasted with the wrong
people and mostly for the things that I didn't do when I had time to do.
These scars are stuck with me and somehow have become part of me, reminding me
of all the opportunities I lost to being a better person.
One of my biggest regrets was when I
failed to make the right choice on May this year. I was to choose between spending
the most memorable part of my life with the son of the retired general on May
or sometime in the future. I choose the future, not because I didn't want to
but because somehow I thought I should wait for the right time when both of us
were free, may be with no or little pressure from the outside world, little did I know the
circumstances will conspire against me making such an occasion impossible. Every
day I wish I had one more chance to make things right, to go back in time and maybe just maybe things would have turned around differently. I walk around
try to understand why I went wrong and I know my mistake was to think that I
had forever with him. My mistake was to think he will always be here with
me….and now that he is gone I cannot help but regret for the chances I lost..For
the good times that we would have had, good memories that would have kept me
alive in times like these where I have so little to hold on to.
Some people may say it’s a waste of
time to regret for the times we cannot recover. That it is useless to spend
time looking back thinking about what you should have done right, that the past is
gone but the future is everything you want it to be. But to me that is not the
case, it’s not my past that is dead, its my future. My past still live with
me but my future is dead without him.
Dear diary, it’s not my intention to
scare you but to make you learn from my mistakes. If you get a chance to spend
quality time with someone you really love, never take it for granted, never let
it go easily, it may be your very last chance and if it is you will be forced to
deal with lifetime regrets. You might have options but always remember when
you choose one you lose other choices which you may never regain, so be careful
when you make those choices. And that is
it for today..see you tomorrow…
.
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