What happened to US???....3

Dear diary,

I had never been hurt that much before, it was one thing for him to tell me he was not coming back but it was another to find out he never loved me for sure. I sat there on the floor, tears flowing down my face; I kept asking myself, how could he??  But there was no one there to answer. The good thing is my sister had taken Charlotte with her and she was to return her the next morning. I opened my fridge, took the strongest alcohol available... started drinking as I re-read the note addressed to me trying to find a clue of where he might have gone but there was nothing. I could feel my heart breaking every time I thought of us and how we came to be strangers in our own house. You see, when your heart is breaking, you can feel it because it hurts, with every beat comes another ache and there is nothing you can do to stop it, either from beating or from breaking.

I woke up the next day at noon on the hospital bed, how did I end up in the hospital?? Am glad you asked..... My sister came that morning to drop Charlotte as agreed, only to find me passed out on the floor with a note Ian wrote on my hand. She then took me to the hospital. When I woke up she was next to me, she held my hand telling me it was going to be okay. I just couldn't stop myself from crying, I could still hear my heart breaking, the pain was too much, “no it was never going to be okay”....I shouted!! That evening I was realized from the hospital, we went to my apartment where I took few things since I was to stay with her until I was back to my feet.

It had been two days since I last ate and I wasn't even hungry, am glad my sister was there with me, am glad she forced me to eat, am glad she was there to help me through the most difficult times of my life. I stayed with her, started going to a rehab.

Just when you think things can’t get any worse they can, I remember one month later when the wounds were still so fresh, when I was still trying to convince myself that I really didn't need a man to survive and I could be a happy single mother I sat in front of my computer; logged in to my face book account and found wedding pictures of Ian. Yeah it took him just one month to forget about everything and get married. You know the painful part of all this was not the fact that my husband was married to another woman but the fact that he was married to our very best friend Jane. The worst pain in the world one can feel is the pain that goes beyond physical pain, this pain goes even further beyond any other emotional pain, it is the betrayal of a friend. They were both my friends and they betrayed me. I fainted on that instance.

Dear diary, when I remember all these I wonder if there is anybody else who has gone through such pain, it there is anyone who has ever been hurt by the people he/ she would have died for. Were they as sad, angry and confused as I was?? I woke up hours later on a hospital bed, as usual my beautiful sister was by my side waiting for me to open my eyes. I opened my mouth in an attempt to alter something but she told me not to say anything because she already knew everything. Her eyes were red; it’s as if she had been crying.

How do you make someone love you?  How do you get to know a person? Is it even possible to know a person for sure? It is heart breaking, to know that you never really knew the person you fell in love with and even married. To see your life as a fiction which you have written and believed is unbearable. How did I miss this? How could I not know he was sleeping with Jane? Jane... a friend I would run to for help all the time, how could she betray me like that?? Questions kept floating on my mind.

Few minutes later the nurse came in with a big smile on her face. “Your are awake??" she asked, yeah I answered. I have good news and bad news, which one would you like to hear first?? She continued, before I answered she said, “I will start with the bad news, the bad news is you have low blood pressure..... And the good news is you are one and a half months pregnant”... WHAT??? I just wanted to die, how is it even possible for one person to go through all this...??

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