Dear diary,
Being pregnant can be the best
thing to a woman if they are carrying a baby of a man they are in love with so
deeply but can be a nightmare if that man has divorced you without your
knowledge and married your very best friend. Yeah he had divorced me and I didn't even know
it, it is only later when I realized that, the so called “Charlotte health Insurance
papers” were divorce peppers that I signed when I was in so much stress not to
mention under the influence of alcohol and never bothered to read.
Have you ever wondered why the
worst memories stick with us, while the nice ones always sleep through our
fingers?? I have had good time with Ian but right now all I remember is the
pain he caused me. The news of me being pregnant came at the worst time in my
life. I was not ready for another baby, I just wanted to abort because I knew
this baby would always remind me of all those memories that I wanted to forget.
My sister on the other hand is one of those people who believe everything
happens for a reason so she wanted me to keep the baby. And she managed to
convince me to keep the baby.
The funny thing about being
pregnant is you think of nothing but having your body to yourself once again,
and after you give birth you realize the biggest part of you is somehow
external subjected to all sorts of dangers and you just want to keep it close
for comfort and you just love it. I never told Ian I was pregnant with his second
baby, I never even wanted to hear this name mentioned. Eight months later I
gave birth to my second baby Charlie who practically changed my life. I don't know
what happened but just after I gave birth to Charlie my focus shifted from my mysteries
to being focused on my two children, they gave me so much strength and hope.
It has been four years since I
got married, two years since Ian left, Charlotte was three years and Charlie
was sixteen months old. Everything was going on well until I found this email
few weeks ago;
Dear Irene,
There are lots of things that I wish I would have done otherwise, There
are lots of accusations I threw at you that I wish I could take back, there are
lot of pain that I have caused you that I wish I didn't. I feel so stupid knowing that I mistreated
the only woman who ever loved me for me,
I don't even know how to apologize for it because even the word am sorry would
not cover all the Pain I have made you go through.
The truth is I was still in love with my X girlfriend when I married
you, I was looking for her in you and when I couldn't find her I became desperate. Jane knew this and used this opportunity to her advantage. Am sorry that I
believed her lies about you cheating on me, am really sorry that I married you
for what you could give me, your admiration, your acceptance, the love you had
for me but I forgot that I was supposed to marry you for yourself. Am sorry
that I kept looking for another person in you, I kept expecting you to do
things that my x used to do.
I know it is too late to say that but I really regret leaving you for
Jane. Jane lied to me about you having an affair with other men. She told me
you even slept with her x boyfriend and Charlotte was his daughter not mine. Like
a fool I believed her, she even took me to the park one day and I saw the two
of you together talking. She showed me pictures of two of you together and I
believed her.
I know you are wondering why I believe otherwise now if I believed that
way then. Well two weeks ago I saw strange text messages exchanged between Jane
and Adrian (her x) concerning the pregnancy she is having which I believed was
mine. I got so mad and thought I should confront Adrian face to face, it was like
he was after every woman I get married to. There is where he told me
everything. And I felt so stupid.
He told me he has never slept with you but merely seek for your help
when he and Jane were not in good terms. He told me, you were a good friend and
you always found a way to bring them back together. He also said he has never
stopped loving Jane and the baby Jane was expecting was his. I feel so stupid
how could I not know Jane was just after my money??
Irene, I know this might not make any difference to you but please if
you may find it in your heart to forgive me, I would like to be a father to
Charlotte and Charlie. I would like to give my children the life they deserve; I
would like to be part of their lives.
Much love,
Ian
Dear diary, a lot of people come
to you telling you about how they came out of this and that situation, but am here
because am confused and I don't know what to do. I need your help, on one hand
I don't want him anywhere near my children, I don't want him to hurt them like
the way he did to me he had abandoned them before, he even said they were not
his without even bothering to do the DNA test. But on the other hand I still
love him even though he has caused me so much pain; I want my children to know
their father and to have a complete family. I don't know what to do. Please help
me what should I do……??
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