A lost battle

By Norah Peter

I was standing right in front him, fully exposed and with nothing to hide with. 
Fear, shame and insignificance were running through my mind.
I was feeling so small and helpless, with nowhere to run
this was all a making of my own choice, and I had to face it head on.

He was not alone; there were three of them when I walked in.
Anticipation and expectation were floating in the room
I was smiling to hide my fear, and rubbing my hands to calm my nerves.
After all these years, I was ready to face my fears even while trembling

So, I walked out with the tail between my legs, and my head low.
Failure finally had a sound, sadly it was the sound of my shoes hitting the floor
I was walking out of the battle field wounded, wondering if I was ever made to fight
Vulnerability had it way, and I learned I can't win fighting alone

And when our eyes met today, there were unanswered questions behind his unbowed gaze
Self hatred run swiftly in my nerves, and I wanted to cease to exist
but I was forced to look into my failure, and not let it determine my fate.
This was a lost battle, but I'm definitely not a looser!

I'll rise up,show up and fight any time I'm needed to. Despite my past failure