When I become a mother......

Dear diary,

There is a voice inside me that keep whispering. It keeps asking me about the questions that I really don’t what to answer, at least not now. It makes me think of the future that is still far ahead. I don’t know why; perhaps it’s because am in that age you know. The age that most of your age mates have children except you. The age where all your friends won’t stop bothering you with wedding invitations and your parents will not stop asking you when you will get married. Yeah that age where your colleagues will normally ask you about when are you likely to have your first born. Somehow this voice won’t stop asking me what kind of a mother I would be, I don’t know, does anyone even choose the kind of parent they want to be? How do you even know the kind of parent you are anyway?

Am not sure what kind of a mother I would be, but if God bless me with children, I would like my children to call me by my name. I know to some say it will sound disrespectful, but I want my children to know I am not just their mother, am not just a person who gave birth to them but am also their friend. They can come to me any anytime just like a friend would. There is no firmer friendship than a friendship rooted in blood.

I want my children to be God fearing, I will pray with them form the time they are conceived. I will teach them to pray, not because they need something but because they have a lot to thank God for. Prayer is not just about asking, it is a longing of the soul. It is a daily admission of one’s weakness. It is food for the soul and just like their body; their soul will need proper feeding from time to time.

I will teach my children to be independent from the very tender age. I want them to learn how to build their own world instead of waiting for another person to build it for them. I don’t wish for them to have power over others but rather to have more powers over themselves, for them to conquer their demons and leave a free life.

My children will learn life is not easy, it is full of screw ups, they are supposed to fail at times, it is a required part of the human existence. They should never forget that life will hit them hard; at times it will wait for them to get back up and kick then in the stomach again. But what defines them is not how many times they crash but the number of times they get back to their feet with the determination to fight over and over again.

I will make sure they know, they are never alone in all this, they don’t have to go through all the difficulties and hardships of this life  all alone because no matter how wide a person stretch his/her fingers, their hands will always be too small to catch all the pain they want to heal. Sometimes they just need to share their pain with someone so that they can heal again and at times healing comes after helping someone that is going through the same trauma they went through.  Life is for loving, learning, smiling, caring, forgiving, laughing, hugging, dancing, wondering, healing and helping those who are in need.

Since personality is half hereditary, I know part of them will be like the old me. With a bad habit of keeping their nose in the air smelling where there is smoke; then follow its trail back to the burning house, hoping to find the person who lost everything in the fire and save them or maybe they can find the guy who lit the fire and change him. It might seem a good idea in the first place, but they should be careful; this might get their hearts broken because sometimes people don’t change. It’s easy to believe that they will when you are in the midst of saving them but some habits are like a skin, you just can’t change them.

I will teach my children to look at life with a positive eye; to appreciate everything life throws at them; because it is impossible to be both grateful and depressed, people with a grateful mindset tend to see the message in the mess. And even though life may knock them down, they normally find reasons to get back to their feet. Like my mother has taught me, the secret to be contented is to be thankful with what you have; this way you normally end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough. It’s at the days when life seems more difficult that you have to say even more “Thank You” to the almighty God because there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it is sent away.

I will make sure they know apologizing is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. Saying “am sorry” can be the hardest thing but if they wrong anyone they should always be ready to apologize. The one thing they should never apologize for is for speaking the truth.

Finally, I would want my children to know, even though I might not be the best mother in the world but everything I will be doing is for their own good, it is because I worry about them. I am a worrier, I have always been a worrier but their daddy has always been a warrior. He is a strong man, my hero who has given me so much strength so they don’t have to worry.

Is there such a thing as unconditional Love???

Dear diary,

Is it just me or does it happen to everyone? I mean wondering if there is such a thing as unconditional love. I don’t know, may be its because I have been raised in a society where love is always conditional; the kind of society where your parents will love you more if you did good at school and behaved properly at home, the society that your friends would love you if you shared your toys with them and never tell anyone about their dirty little secrets, the society that you will be loved if all the time you use polite language like “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, not screaming in public, not forgetting, and of course giving a lot to everyone who is in need.

When you are raised in such a society, you work hard to do a perfect thing to the people you love so that you don’t lose their love but secretly you also expect them to go out of their way to do what you like to keep your love. The funny thing about all this is the fact that sometimes we don’t really know if the love we have for the other person is conditional until one of the conditions is broken, may be its because we work so hard to have the ideal kind of love that is expected of us to win their approval. Sometimes we even reassure ourselves that we are ready for everything that comes our way as long as we have the one person we truly love. But is it true? Well, if you are in love, chances are, you will say it’s true but let us face it. There are times when we come face to face with some things we did not expect from our partners, those things that you just can’t get off, something that you can’t forget just like that. That is when you realize that sometimes it is not the answer; it is the question of how far you are willing to go that bothers you.

For some reasons people keep saying they love others unconditionally, but if you look closely, you will realize the love they talk about need to be earned, it needs to be proven, its dependent on a certain behaviors, certain rules that have to be observed. I know some people will disagree with me (it’s okay) but let’s be honest, how many of us can give others that true unconditional love?? And when I say unconditional I mean like the kind of love the dog gives its master. How many of us could love even if you have been kicked and beaten and humiliated? How many of us can go on kissing the hand of his/her tormentor with upturned eyes??? I don’t know who could, may be Jesus could, but I know I can never do so.

Nothing will tear us apart, nothing you become will disappoint me, I will love you to the end of the word it’s just among the few promises we make when we are in love in an attempt to tell our loved ones that the love we have for them is true and unconditional. But if love was to be unconditional, no boundaries, no limits, no rules why should anyone try to do the right thing? If I know am loved no matter what I do, no matter what I become, where is the challenge? How do I prove I love the other person if I don’t have to sacrifice a thing to make our love work? I know some will say true love does not need to be proven….but then how will I know if he really loves me? How will he know if I really love him?

There are times that I think love requires both partners to be at their best all the time, because love does have conditions. Because even if love was unconditional then it would not have been free, you have to give to receive. There is always an expectation attached to love. The people you love always expect something in return. Even if it’s not for their own benefit but they do expect something. Like they want you to be happy or faithful and that makes automatically responsible for their happiness because they won’t be happy unless you are.

The truth is the kind of love most of us experience is the kind of love that chooses to believe the best upon the people we love. It gives them the benefit of doubt refusing to fill the unknown with negative assumptions but it is always conditional. Love has to be conditional; love is always conditional because love is never safe.

Why Men In 2014 Should Seriously Consider Dating A Gold Digger

By +Jackie Kalyonge 

First let me start by saying that if you are a broke guy who thinks that money isn’t important in a relationship, then you should move on swiftly because this will definitely rub you the wrong way.

 We all have different tastes in what we want in our future wives/husbands. Some women like tall men, others like men with pot bellies (I personally don’t) and others well…just like millionaires.

When I talk about gold diggers I’m not talking about your typical college girl who is easily impressed by kuku quarter, chips and soda. I’m talking about the beautiful, strong and educated woman who maintains her appearance.

You won’t find her in a downtown club partying with college students who are dressed in t-shirts, stockings and horrendous plastic shoes (I think dressing like this should be declared illegal). 

In fact, I think the term gold digger is a totally wrong way of describing this type of a woman. A financial security miner is a better word. It sounds more refined.

So let me just get to the part where I tell you why you should consider dating a gold digger.

She Will Make You Look And Feel Good

Gold diggers know that they have to look good or else they won’t get a rich man to look in their direction let alone get into a relationship with them.

She won’t spot an awfully looking weave, put on layers of makeup like it was war paint or wear clothes that make her look like she is wearing a tent.

She will work out and ensure her body is toned. She will dress to impress and look like a million bucks. When you enter a room with her, people will be picking their jaws from the floor.

Which man in this day and age wouldn’t feel good when other men see him with a stunning woman and wonder “where can I find a woman like that?”

She Won’t Embarrass You

A gold digger, rather a financial security miner, is educated and knows how to express herself. You can bring her along to your corporate dinner functions and not have to worry that she will embarrass you with her “uneducated talk”. She knows how to mingle with rich people and not seem out of place. 

She Is Good In Bed

One thing I know about a gold digger is she won’t give you the typical lights-off-under-the blanket-missionary-position kind of sex. She will seduce you, tease you and eventually give you mind blowing sex.

So you can forget about kifo cha mende or missionary position for the rest of your life if you decide to marry this type of a woman. She will give you great sex, enough to keep her in your pockets.

She Is Understanding

She knows that you have to go out there and bring home the bacon. She won’t whine about how you are only home twice a year. Provided that what she sees in her bank account is nothing less than satisfactory, she will stick by your side.

So you don’t have to worry about missing birthdays or your two week anniversary. You can take care of it by sending her a signed blank check and telling her to write any amount of money that she wants on it.

Final Word

I don’t know if the reasons I’ve given you are enough to convince you to date a financial security miner but I’ll tell you one thing; there isn’t a woman on this earth who wants to date a man and have nothing to show for it.

I’m I depraved of moral value for supporting gold diggers? I wouldn’t say so because at the end of the day, love doesn’t pay the bills, take my daughter to school or pay the rent.

So fatten your wallets gentlemen and give the women a chance to spend your money!

Is Valentines Worth All The Fuss?

I have a feeling that some of you actually cringed at this title (the sentimental few and the hopeless romantics). It's allowed. After all, we have our opinions, preferences and even different ways through which we express love. However, setting aside a day for expression of love seems a bit fallacious to me. Today apparently is the day when everything has to be done right, the setting needs to be perfect, the choice of music scintillating, the choice of food instructive, the choice of venue sensual and the choice of gift memorable.

Today, people from different corners of the world expect to be showered with love in ways they haven't experienced in a long time. While this is perfectly acceptable, I find it ridiculous that people should go out of their comfort zone just to mark a day that has no sentimental value (my opinion folks).

Today, many things will happen and people will experience different emotions. There are those who will shed tears of joy, others will be agonizing over empty promises, others will be proposed to and surely as hell, breakups are bound to be noted here and there. Humans have mastered the art of treachery and pretense. We say what is convenient simply to suit the situation and not what we really mean. In this regard, I urge the hopeless romantics not to believe every word they hear, not to be moved by the candle lit dinners and not to feel indebted as to drive down the passion road as a way of showing their gratitude. 

Today, people will do things they don't like, listen to music they probably don't like, say words they probably don't mean, and go to places they normally wouldn’t . There are those who would redefine the whole meaning of living a lie. In my own opinion, I think we’ve watched too many movies that we don't seem to make a clear demarcation between what is real and what belongs to the world of fantasies. Others will take a loan and fly to exotic places just to get laid and there are those who will be drinking their sorrows away for reasons best known to themselves. I mean, is valentine worth all the fuss?

I, the son of the retired general, think not. I plan to spend the day like any other. Drink the night away, listen to some reggae music, a bit of riddim and simply watch wrestling (yeah I love wrestling). Some of you will deem that unromantic, a bit awkward and downright insensitive so to say. Cammon! We all have a choice and I find it perfectly in order to spend my night in such a manner when everybody else will be busy living in utopia, doing things they don't like, buying gifts they can't afford and simply playing the part all under the pretext of expressing love.

If you are somewhere out there wondering how to impress him/her, stop thinking! If you didn't impress her before, chances are you won't. But then, the end justifies the means (my male counterparts agree with me on this). Ha!ha!ha! which means men are going to go out of their way just to get laid, buy expensive gifts simply to make a mark(if the age old belief is anything to go by, men and women will exploit each others weakness. Think along the lines of men being visual creatures and female being emotional creatures ahem!!). Good luck fellas. Today is the day where everything goes and you surely should give it your best shot. But then, is it worth all the fuss? I, the son of the retired general rest my case

A letter to my Valentine

To my valentine,

Few more hours before its 14^th February, a day that is supposed to be special to all lovers, a day that everyone (well not everyone but most people) around the world will show their loved one how much they mean to them, they will surprise them with different kind of gifts, they will treat them to expensive restaurants, some will pop the question on this day and some will just be busy with their normal life doing nothing special because for them love is everyday not just one day in a year. 14^th February, one day devoted solely to love.... does it make sense?? Am not sure... love makes people crazy but I will not deny it can be fun too. I am still not sure where I will be or what I will be doing on that day since once more we are forced to spend this special day apart but I wanted to write you this letter just to tell you how much you mean to me.

I know you know I have been in love and I have been alone, but what you don’t know is I have traveled over many lands trying to find love, to find that one person who I would love and he could love me back, that so called prince charming that every girl dream to marry some day. It’s funny how I never knew there was this little place inside of me that could have take control of everything until I met you. It all started as a simple friendship that matured to something so big that has changed my life completely. I used to be a slow champion of love because I used to fear the transformation it brings into one’s life but somehow with you, that fear died in me in a way I can never explain. You transformed me into something far better than I ever dreamed of, you made me a better person and you make me want to be better person every day of my life.

Looking back at my life, I don’t know what you did or you have been doing to me, my mind is not my own, somehow I have forgotten how to think of me in singular and I always think of us, sometimes it feels like I have known you forever. You have become part of me. I lay awake at night thinking of all the dreams we have dreamed together, of all the plans that are yet to be fulfilled, of all the obstacles we had to overcome, of all the good moments that will always remain to me the best memories ever, of how we came to be despite the fact we were all victims of relationship gone wrong, of how we found love in one of the hopeless places and I smile in the darkness. I think of all the funny moments and it makes me miss you so much.

On this special day, I want you to know being with you is worth all the broken hearts and pain I went through to get here. In a flash of all stumbling blocks of relationships gone wrong you became my stepping stone and led me to our perfect love. I feel lucky to be in love with my best friend. We fit in so many ways.  Now I understand that the feelings I used think was pain that came along with love were actually the discomfort of being in places that I did not belong.

I could write a book to tell you of how much you mean to me, of how much you make me feel, but on this special day, and all other days of your life, I want you to know, we don’t have to have forever to have happily ever after, all we have to do is to decide what to do with the time that is given to us. I am not perfect, neither are you but our love is perfect. And even though we are not perfect our love creates a bridge that spans over our imperfections and join us where it matters most.

I love you!!!

Church leaders: The truth be told

If you were born and raised in a Christian family like me you will probably disagree with me on the account that Christians are not allowed to bad mouth their church leaders. Yeah there is a special kind of malice attached to speaking evil against church leaders, if you ask one of those religious people he will probably tell you it is because they are God’s chosen people, it’s a sin to speak about them besides speaking about them may harm the society but is keeping quiet a better option?  Somehow I cannot continue to keep this in me because even though mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain it is harder to bear and the attempt to conceal it has increased the burden that I just want to take off me. Even thought I have not stepped in Church for ages I still believe in Christianity the same way I believe the sun has risen not only because I can see it but because I can see everything else through it.

Ever since I was a little baby, I was taken to church; I have attended Sunday school form a tender age where I was taught about everything that was supposed to make me a good Christian. It was a good foundation that I have never regretted. Attending the service every Sunday was something that I was used to and I loved doing; Not because I believed it made me a better Christian but because I believed it nourished my soul the same way food nourishes my body. It was the only way I knew to feed my soul until I realised I could also feed it from my home and it will still be in a good shape. And then my concern was no longer weather God was on the side of those who go to church but to be on God’s side, for God is always right.

I don’t know about the priest and pastors in the past, I don’t know if they were the same as those of this century, if they were better or more evil than these of this century. All I know is something is seriously wrong with the current priests and pastors. They pretend to be what they are not, preaching what they cannot practice. They stand in front of the congregation preaching about adultery yet they are the ones who have several wives and some even dare to practice homosexuality, the preach about respecting each other, about respecting our bodies saying our bodies are the temple of the Holy spirit yet they are the ones who rape our children, turning them to gay men and even infecting them with HIV/AIDs. They do everything that they tell people not to and yet they still think they can raise their hands and pray for those who are sinful.

Dear diary, There is an old saying that says, the Bible in the hand of a man can be more dangerous than a whisky bottle in the hand of another man. I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this one but it’s true. There are people who will side with the priests and pastors saying they are human and that is Satan at work, but no... but it’s not an excuse because no matter what society you come from, no matter where you were raised, you must know what is wrong and what is right, there are standards in each society that point out what is acceptable and what is not. We can debate moral issues as ideas but not moral standards. Standards are not ideas they exist in form of observable measurable behavior  They have to be followed, they have to be practiced, we are all human yet not everyone does the evils done but our priests and pastors.

For most of Christians including me prefer to think of a sacred space (Alter) as some light filled wondrous place where we can feel good and find a way to shore up our psyches against different tribulations and even death. We hate to know that someone so evil and an agent of Satan in one way or another; stand there as though he is an angel preaching to people what he cannot practice. We hate to know that you are there for money, to preach about giving while you, yourself don’t give a dime. You take money from the poor and you use it to satisfy your won luxurious life (I bet Jesus is ashamed of you).

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “a prayer is not asking, it is a longing of the soul, it is a daily admission of one’s weakness, it is better in prayer to have a heart without words that to have words without a heart.” But for most of our priests and pastors it is better to have words without heart then to have a heart without words. Sometimes it makes me wonder how they sleep at night, how they manage to even not care about the money you are using knowing there are people that did not have anything to eat but due to their faith gave our their last dime to church but then I remember it’s all about money, that the end justify the means. All the words they preach on Sunday services are all meditated upon, twisted carefully in a way that would touch peoples souls into giving more and more money but in reality they are nothing but empty words.

I have no idea how my future will be, what is waiting for me, weather I will go to heaven or I will go to hell, but for the moment, I know if is not right to keep quiet about all the evils being done by our church leaders, they should be punished like everyone else. It is not right for them to keep taking and taking advantage of the poor people, I know it is not right that the preach what they don’t practice and I know I will not look the other way just because the church does not all us pin point all the wrongs done by their leaders.