Before we kissed good bye, your
father asked me if i could do one last thing for him. He asked me to write you a letter to tell you how to be a good
woman, a woman like myself. Well, I am honored that out of all people he asked
me to write you this letter, but honestly I don’t know what to tell you. Probably
because I have never been a mother (but I hope to be some day), and it is really
difficult to tell anyone how to be a good version of yourself while you clearly
know at one time or another the worst version of your self did exist too; so
instead am going to tell you all the things I wish someone told me before, all
the things mothers should share with their daughters.
First of all, I
want you to know you’re not a mistake, your father told me you have never gotten
over the fact that your mother walked out on you when you were just a baby. I
don’t know why she did what she did but I do know there is nothing more
precious to your father than you. He would give up absolutely anything to see
you happy. I have seen great dads, (my own father being one of them) but I have
never seen before a single dad who would choose to raise a nine month baby on
his own. Most men would just choose the easier way, and run. So darling enough
with beating up yourself about what your mama did, enough with hating her, I know
you might think that in hating her you are hurting her, but the truth is you
are not, hate is a curved in blade, and it hurts you more that it hurts the
people you hate. From today start counting your blessings, look at how lucky
you are to have a wonderful father and how lucky you are that you went to the
best schools and you are smart and talented and most f all the most beautiful
girl I have ever seen.
Baby girl, I
wish you spend as much time as possible on being happy when you are still
young. Get excited about the little things around you, get excited about
wearing a new pair of shoes, about Sunday outing with your friends about that
new guy who smiled at you on your way to church, about finding an extra
shilling in your pocket that you had forgotten about because as you grow up,
passions fade and the enthusiasm get mistaken for foolishness, so don’t let
anyone or anything get in your way of happiness. If you want a nice body, go to
the gym and get it (your father is an expert in that), if you want to be a doctor (yes your father told me you want
to be a doctor), study your ass off to get to your goal, if you want a nice
hair style pick a style and get it done, never stop to motivate yourself, never
stop trying new things, because your happiness is out there waiting for you and
no one will bring it to you, so you have to find it and be happy. Life is too
short to be anything but happy.
We are all here
for a purpose, we are all here for a reason, growing up my parents had opinions
on what I should do, what I should study, what I should wear and who I should
become. But darling I want you to know, your purpose in this world might not
make sense to many people, not even to your dad.
You may tell it to your friends and they my laugh at you not because it
is something bad but it because they don’t understand it. I want you to follow
what your heart want you to do and do it with all your heart. It does not
matter what others say, as long as your true to your heart desires and your
energy and intentions are pure you can become anything you want to be.
My dear, as
women it is our duty to balance intelligence, femininity and divinity. The three
are like the cooking stones, if you miss one you can never cook with two. And
yeah I know When you’re smart and many people will think you’re a bitch, may be
they will call you names, some names will come to your attention some will not,
but never let these intimidate you from being the best version of yourself. Be
confident so that all other woman and daughters will look up to you. Always
remember you are a work in progress, you are still under construction and no
matter what mistakes you do today I pray you learn and grow from them but never
should they stop you from being a star you are meant to be. A woman without God
is a woman who has lost direction; do not ever lose your faith in God, no matter
what other people tell you or how bad the situation seem to be.
Baby girl, now let’s
talk about that important part of your life that you may never be able to
discuss it with your father and your father will never be able to advice you on
it; boys. Darling, there will always be women out there who are better that
you, who are smarter than you and who have more money than you, but if you find
that right person, if you find that missing piece of the puzzle you will never
have to worry about him finding someone else. I am not saying the journey to
find this man is going to be easy, no...! it is never easy, you will have to
kiss a lot of frogs before you can meet that one frog who will turn into a prince. your sweet heart will
be broken along the way, there are going to be days when you won’t have the energy
to get out of bed, the days that you will want to give up and put a stop to
everything, the days that you will think your life has no meaning, the thing is
no matter what, you are not allowed to give up. You are given life you are
supposed to live it. Get out of town, cry yourself to sleep, curse, do anything
to get that pain out of you but never give up on life or love. We are not meant to stay wounded; we are not
meant to stay in pain so move through your tragedies and challenges and help
others who may need your help.
Even after all
this I am sure there is a day that you will meet one person. A person who will
love you more than anybody you have ever known and you will know their love it
true. They will love you with every bit of energy and soul, they will say all
the right words at the right time, they will surrender and give you so much
that it scares you, but darling I want to let you in on a little secret that I
had to learn the hard way. Some people are good at being in love and others at
love. Yeah, I know you think they are the same thing but they are not, being in
love is the romantic part of a relationship, sex all the time , the jokes, the
laughs the fun the long conversations with no pauses about all the crazy
things, overwhelming separation anxiety and all the best sides of both of you.
But true love begins when the excitement of being in love starts to fade; life
stress sets in the butterflies disappears the sex becomes a chore, the tears
and sadness become your guests, the never stop arguments become part of your
life, in short the worst part of person becomes real. If you still want each
other after all this then I will be happy to welcome him home when he asks for your
hand in marriage.
So my dear,
before you bring him home, before you introduce him to you father, see him
scared, see him in despair and wanting, see him sick, see him bankrupt, see him
stressed, stress changes a person. Find out what he does in his free time, find
out what he does when he think he can get away with it, find out if he has an addiction
and see if he puts you in front of it. Find out if he drinks, get him drunk and
see how he behaves, my dear let no one deceive you, you can never change a
person if they do not decide to change themselves. At times you have to make
the tough decisions and burn the bridges so that you don’t cross them again.
And yeah it is never easy, it’s like when you get your tooth pulled out. The process
is painful and even though after a while you will be relieved that the pain has
ended, there will be many times when your tongue will run itself over the spot
where the tooth once was; Countless times may be, just because it’s no longer
hurting it does not mean you do not notice its absence. But should you have
kept the tooth?? No!! It was causing you pain it had to be removed. So baby
girl, don’t be afraid to cut ties with anyone who causes you more pain than
happiness.
Last but not least Beyonce, in the end
everything will be okay, well not everything but most things. Sometimes you
will put up a really good fight and loose, sometime you will hold on to
something for so long and at the end you will realize you have to let it go. It’s
okay to let it go. All I want for you is at the end of the day you can look
back and be proud that you gave it your all. Nothing protects the heart like
patience. Don’t get your hopes up too fast, don’t allow your fears to speak too
loud and don’t give your doubts too much time.
Endless love
.......me.......
