When I become a mother......

Dear diary,

There is a voice inside me that keep whispering. It keeps asking me about the questions that I really don’t what to answer, at least not now. It makes me think of the future that is still far ahead. I don’t know why; perhaps it’s because am in that age you know. The age that most of your age mates have children except you. The age where all your friends won’t stop bothering you with wedding invitations and your parents will not stop asking you when you will get married. Yeah that age where your colleagues will normally ask you about when are you likely to have your first born. Somehow this voice won’t stop asking me what kind of a mother I would be, I don’t know, does anyone even choose the kind of parent they want to be? How do you even know the kind of parent you are anyway?

Am not sure what kind of a mother I would be, but if God bless me with children, I would like my children to call me by my name. I know to some say it will sound disrespectful, but I want my children to know I am not just their mother, am not just a person who gave birth to them but am also their friend. They can come to me any anytime just like a friend would. There is no firmer friendship than a friendship rooted in blood.

I want my children to be God fearing, I will pray with them form the time they are conceived. I will teach them to pray, not because they need something but because they have a lot to thank God for. Prayer is not just about asking, it is a longing of the soul. It is a daily admission of one’s weakness. It is food for the soul and just like their body; their soul will need proper feeding from time to time.

I will teach my children to be independent from the very tender age. I want them to learn how to build their own world instead of waiting for another person to build it for them. I don’t wish for them to have power over others but rather to have more powers over themselves, for them to conquer their demons and leave a free life.

My children will learn life is not easy, it is full of screw ups, they are supposed to fail at times, it is a required part of the human existence. They should never forget that life will hit them hard; at times it will wait for them to get back up and kick then in the stomach again. But what defines them is not how many times they crash but the number of times they get back to their feet with the determination to fight over and over again.

I will make sure they know, they are never alone in all this, they don’t have to go through all the difficulties and hardships of this life  all alone because no matter how wide a person stretch his/her fingers, their hands will always be too small to catch all the pain they want to heal. Sometimes they just need to share their pain with someone so that they can heal again and at times healing comes after helping someone that is going through the same trauma they went through.  Life is for loving, learning, smiling, caring, forgiving, laughing, hugging, dancing, wondering, healing and helping those who are in need.

Since personality is half hereditary, I know part of them will be like the old me. With a bad habit of keeping their nose in the air smelling where there is smoke; then follow its trail back to the burning house, hoping to find the person who lost everything in the fire and save them or maybe they can find the guy who lit the fire and change him. It might seem a good idea in the first place, but they should be careful; this might get their hearts broken because sometimes people don’t change. It’s easy to believe that they will when you are in the midst of saving them but some habits are like a skin, you just can’t change them.

I will teach my children to look at life with a positive eye; to appreciate everything life throws at them; because it is impossible to be both grateful and depressed, people with a grateful mindset tend to see the message in the mess. And even though life may knock them down, they normally find reasons to get back to their feet. Like my mother has taught me, the secret to be contented is to be thankful with what you have; this way you normally end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough. It’s at the days when life seems more difficult that you have to say even more “Thank You” to the almighty God because there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it is sent away.

I will make sure they know apologizing is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. Saying “am sorry” can be the hardest thing but if they wrong anyone they should always be ready to apologize. The one thing they should never apologize for is for speaking the truth.

Finally, I would want my children to know, even though I might not be the best mother in the world but everything I will be doing is for their own good, it is because I worry about them. I am a worrier, I have always been a worrier but their daddy has always been a warrior. He is a strong man, my hero who has given me so much strength so they don’t have to worry.