I want to know you better

“The talk”, is the name I gave to the conversation we had on Sunday afternoon. Somehow it made me feel so close to you yet i felt like I needed to know you more. As I sit here in my room, thoughts of you keep coming to my mind and for the first time I feel like there is are so many things I need to know about you. Yeah, I do know you but I need to know you better

I know it may sound crazy but I want to know about all the girls you have ever had a crush on, the girls that you loved but for some reasons you could not bring yourself to admit the truth. I want you to tell me about all the girls you have been in love with from the moment you knew the meaning of the word love. I want you to tell me why they loved you and why you loved them. I want to know why it ended and if you have any regrets.

Tell me about the very first day you felt the joy of being in love, tell me if you will risk everything to fight for that kind of joy in your life, to fight the one person who makes you feel so special and needed, if you will risk looking like a fool just to fight for your love, for your dreams and for the adventures of being alive. I want to know if you believe in happily ever after.

I know what you do for a living, I know what you enjoy dong in your free time but i want to know what you ache for, and if you have ever dared to dream of meeting you heart longings. I want to know if you can disappoint other people to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your heart desires. If have a road map on how to get there, if you already know how you will celebrate the achievements of your desires and who you will want to be next to you when you get there.

I want to know what the word “home” means to you. Tell me about the longest time you had to be far from home, tell me how it happened and how you felt. If you missed your home and dreamed of the day you will be back. I want to know what you missed most and why you missed it.

You asked me what I thought of your names and I told you. But now I want to know what you think of your names and more importantly I want to know if you ever lie awake at night thinking of the day your mother pronounced your names for the very first time, the joy in her eyes, the love she had for you. I want to know if you have ever wondered why she gave you those names. I also want to know what you think of my name and what came to your mind when you first heard it.

Tell me about the very first day you felt the weight of hate; tell me what exactly happened on that day. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or you have become shriveled and closed for fear of further pain. Tell me about the person or a thing that brought all this pain to you, how you overcame it in the end. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

Tell me about the very first day you knew that babies were not actually bought but they came out of their mother’s womb, that they are the result of sex between their parents. Tell me about the day you knew boys and girls were different and if you were curious to know what was beneath girls’ skirts. Tell me how you satisfied that curiosity.

I want to know what you do when you are alone. Tell me what you do when you’re lonely; tell me about the very first time you felt like you were alone and nobody really cared bout you. I want to know if you like the company you keep during the empty moments.

What do you think of mistakes? What is the biggest mistake you have ever made? Do you still regret it or did something good come out of it? Tell me about you biggest failure, did it make you feel like you were not good enough or did it encourage you to work hard? I want to know if you can live with failure mine or your own.... I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone to do what needs to be done to feed the children.

Lastly, I want to know what you fear most and why you fear it.