There
is a scary saying that says what goes around comes around. I have known this
saying for as long as I can remember yet I never thought it did apply in
reality until this morning. You see, just like any other day I would sit in
front of my laptop and before anything else I normally go through my emails.
As I was doing that I came across a shocking email form one of the guys I
used to admire long time ago. Kyle (not his real name) was a young man, bright,
smart and very handsome. I could swear he had the world under his feet, besides
being bright and all that he had graduated on top of his class from one of the
reputable universities in my country, his carrier in politics had just started
to kick off and it had a very promising future.
Before
I tell you about the whole email and what was in it let me enlighten you on how
I got to know Kyle and what happened between us. It was Saturday morning, 16th march when I was woken up from my
sleep by the loud voices of people. I opened my eyes put on some clothes and
head to the living room only to find my roommate(Mary) with other two strangers
I didn't recognize. She then introduced me to her friends Gilead (who later
became her boyfriend) and Kyle (his friend); this is where I saw him for the
very first time. Later when Mary and Gilead started dating, Kyle become regular
visitors in our apartment. We would to spend so many hours and even weekends
together I think it’s around that time I started to notice the Kyle’s
uniqueness’s and I loved them.
As time
went on I became really attached to Kyle with and with an excuse of Mary and
Gilead dating; we would spend a lot of time alone playing video games, watching
horror movies and sometimes talking about politics. I became so used to his
company and as much as I hate to admit it I would always miss him when he was
not around. There are days that I would be tempted to ask for his company especially when Mary was out on a date with Gilead but then I didn't want to sound too needy and I did not want to send any wrong/ mixed
messages.
Dear
diary, I remember one evening as we were playing truth or dare when I dared
Kyle to tell me something that will shock me, and he did... He said “I think am
falling in love with you”. I didn't see that coming but I was honest with him,
I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship, I wanted my wounds to heal first
before I can be with someone else (I was still trying to pick up the pieces of
my broken heart after the whole Jeremy break up drama). Here is what you need to know,
being too attached to another human being is perhaps the most risky and
dangerous thing on this planet. You see, as soon as you are attached to some
other human being; it is though you have taken a surgical needle and saturated
your own happiness into another person in such a way that your separation will
now cause injury. My relationship with Kyle is was good and unique; it was
purely friendship (or so I like to believe it was) until one day when I
overheard him talking to his friend Gilead. Their conversation was like this;
Gilead:
Am taking Mary on a date tonight why don’t you join us with Shantelle since you
are both single?
Kyle: No, I will pass
Gilead:
why? Shantelle is a good girl
Kyle:
Dude, seriously just look at her; she is not one of those girls I can be seen
with in public with.....
Yeah I
knew I was not one of those girls with expensive clothes and big booty (where I
come from curvy women are sexier than the skinny ones) but at least I was
smart. My dear diary, on that day I learn a lesson I shall never forget; you
will never know who really has your back from who has it long enough just to stab you
in it. It amazes me how plastic and artificial some people can be. I knew me
and Kyle had no future but I thought at least we were friends. To be honest I
was hurt, I never confronted him but I started to keep him at arm’s length from
that day. I had just started to recover from a breakup when I heard this
conversation; it pulled me back to the darkness and depression I was trying to
escape.
I don’t
know how to describe the kind of depression that followed after that day, it is
just beyond words or images, my heart was bleeding; I lost all confidence I
thought I had... I could hardly explain anything to anyone even if I knew it in
detail, I was not able to enjoy life, to walk or talk or do what I used to
enjoy doing. It the first time I experienced how it must feel to be old and
sick, to be dying alone, to lack grace, to be ugly to have no belief in the
possibilities of life, and to have no true friends.
Read continuation wounded affection 2
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