The other woman .....2

Dear diary,

It is always easier to be lost that to be found, thus why we spend a lot of time searching but we are rarely discovered. After searching for the person who would take my breath away for so long I had finally found him, he was standing in front of me asking me to be his girlfriend, but I couldn't give in to his request. I told Mr. X he needed to heal from his break up before we can take our relationship to the next level, I didn't want to be his rebound. He said he was sure of what he wanted and it was me he wanted and he does not want to waste anymore time.

“Nothing could be left to chance, because chances cannot be trusted, this is your time, take a chance and be happy with him, you have been waiting for too long...” my inner goddess kept whispering to me. I then told him I was okay with us taking our relationship to the next level. This is where it all began. Few months later he was relocated to Arusha permanently, we became even closer. We would spend most of our weekends together. Went to holiday’s vacations as a couple.... there are times I even entertained the idea of moving in with him but I didn't.

Dear diary, love is longing for that half of ourselves that we have lost, with him by my side I felt like I had the part of me that I was looking for; and even though after few month with him I realized he was one of those guys with a wondering eyes, I though once he was in my life I should not let this one bad thing come between us, besides no one is ever perfect. I had made up my mind I was going to take my chances, enjoy the ride on the wild side of life. Though now that I think about it I feel so stupid... it was all in front of me yet I did not see it. I still remember as if it was just yesterday when he told me he will be travelling to Mwanza for a month and a half.... like a fool I was okay with it.

Two months later he was back in Arusha, but he was not the same person who traveled to Mwanza. A lot had changed; his mobile phone was always in vibration, always on the phone during late night and would sometimes take the call outside the house. The kept avoiding the topic of me moving in with me with some lame excuses that I even hate myself for believing in them. When someone you knew start to change right in front of you it is not just scary but it also throws you off balance, you begin to ask yourself questions that you can never answer. Does he love me? Does he love anyone more than me? Do I love him more than he does? Are among the many questions those kept coming to me every time I was alone.

There are lots of people in this world and no one sees things exactly the way the other one see them but once in a while you might get that one person who sees a couple of important things exactly the way you do and losing them is not an option. Mr. X was one of the few people who made me feel special and encouraged me to follow my dreams... I was not ready to lose him.

One weekend after work I dropped to Mr. X house just kill some hours before I go home. As usual I opened the door using a key he had given me sometimes back.. but it was not working, somehow the locks to his house had been changed without my knowledge. As i was thinking of what to do next  I heard someone opening the door, I turned thinking it was Mr. X but it wasn't  in front of me stood a lady asking me who I was and what did I want. I was puzzled, I remained speechless for like ten seconds before I could alter the words who are you.. She then told me she was Mrs. X!! I just had to pretend I was on the wrong door and left the house as fast as I could. How did this happen?? Where was I?? Was he married all along?? Did he really love me or was he just using me?? I kept asking myself as I was going home.

That evening he came to my house, he wanted to explain but there was nothing to be explained. Everything was so clear. He told me, he loved me; he has never stopped loving me from the very first day we met. He said he was just human and he had made a mistake before we met. He impregnated the so called Mrs. X but that was before we met. He never loved her but he was not ready to leave his twins to be raised buy another man. He wanted to take his responsibility as a father, but that did not mean he does not love me. “But you could fulfill your responsibilities without marrying her”, I said with tears running down my face like two rivers on rainy season. He told me the girl wouldn't have agreed to that... it was either he marries her or forget about the children... the wedding took place when he went to Mwanza for two months. I then told him I needed time to digest all that he has told me so he should leave my house.... he left.

I went to bed without eating my dinner, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't stop tears from wetting my pillow. Too often my love life had been defined as humiliation with occasional roses... I was so tired of fighting... tired of trying... just when I thought I had that one person I could spend the rest of my life with I  became the other woman.... could life be more humiliating??

Read continuation "The other woman 3"