Dear diary,
When it comes to love people always
encourage us to follow our hearts, some will tell you to follow your heart but
take your brain with you. The truth is
everyone wants more than anything to be allowed into someone’s heart. Everyone wants
to feel loved to belong somewhere, to belong to someone who can love them
unconditionally. Everyone feel so alone
when they don't have that special person to share those special moments, a
special person to share those cold nights and lonely days. Yet when we get that
person we become frightened, worried about the day we find out the person we
love does not feel the same way for us, frightened about the day you wake up
and realize all this was just a dream.
Three years ago I had gone to
attend a conference in Mwanza. One day after a conference I went out for a walk
and I decided to take dinner at one of the fancy restaurants, entered ordered
my food and a glass of juice. I sat there eating while chatting with a long
lost friend of mine. On the table next to me, sat gentleman, his face was
familiar, I had seen him before but I didn't remember where, he was eating his
food while watching a football match. Fate has a funny way of surprising
people, I finished my food, reached for my wallet and boom!!! I had no wallet, I had
forgotten it in my room at the hotel!!(what an embarrassment). The gentleman on the next table
offered to settle my bill. I thanked him and promised to repay him the moment I
reached at the hotel I was staying.
Dear diary, I have a history of
making quick decisions about men. I have always fallen in love fast and
without measuring the risks. I always had a tendency to see the best in
everyone and to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his
highest potential. After settling the bill the gentleman offered to walk me to
a hotel. I greed after all I was to refund him once I reach at the hotel. As we
walked towards the hotel, we began talking about my forgetful behavior and what
I should do to improve my memory. It was
during this time that learned we were attending the same conference. We walked
up to my room I took my wallet ready to pay him but he refused saying he wanted
my phone number as a payment. I agreed.
There are two kinds of secrets,
the ones we keep from others and the ones we keep from ourselves. Since then me
and Mr. X spent a lot of time together, we would go for lunch and even dinner
at the end of every other day until when the conference was over. I knew deep
down I was falling for him.. I wasn't sure if he was one of those guys who
would fall for someone like me so I kept it a secret. Form everyone else and
from myself…I pretended I didn't feel a thing for him, I thought it would be easier that way but it wasnt. After
the conference I went back to Arusha while he remained in Mwanza. A month went
by with no communication of any kind between us. Then one day I received his
call. He was in town for a meeting.. he asked me to meet him that evening for
dinner. It was a nice evening, we both enjoyed (or I like to think we did)
After our reunion we became so
close, I guess it is because he told me he loved me.. he loved me
since the first day we at that restaurant in Mwanza but he couldn't ask
me out because he had a girlfriend and he wasn't one of those guys who would
date multiple girls but he felt like he should let me know. I told him it I felt
the same way but I wasn't one of those girls who would share my man. We then agreed that friendship was the best
thing for both of us… but I was not satisfied somehow I wanted more but kept it
to myself.
Our friendship got stronger
as the days went by. Three months later he broke up with his girlfriend. The
news came to me as a shock; he had just told me a month before he was planning
to engage her!! I asked him why and he told me he was not comfortable talking
about it so it’s better if we bury it.
Funny how we get nervous when we are about to be given that something
precious, that moment you wonder if this is what you really want while have been waiting for it for a really long time. Mr. X told
me wanted us to take our relationship to the next level. I had been waiting for
this moment from the time I met him and now that it is here…. I cannot say
yes…what is wrong with me?? I kept asking myself…….
Read continuation "The other woman 2"
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