This too shal pass

Dear diary,

Years ago I met a pastor who taught me a valuable lesson, he told me not to depend on things that can be seen, and he told me things that could be seen are always temporary, that no one can really depend on them. That the job u rely on today might not be yours tomorrow, that your successful business might be the source of your down fall tomorrow, that that beautiful house u are in today with all the expensive furniture might turn to ashes tomorrow…. That that person who loves you so much today might wake up tomorrow and realize u r not what s/he wanted and walk away from you as u watch, or might be taken away from you. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right, he still is.

Today am here, in my room feeling so empty and alone, wondering why even with all these things that I worked so hard for mean nothing after he left.. was it because I depend too much on him? Was it because I entertained a thought that may be this was not temporary? Was I so wrong to hope that he will be here forever? Is it because I started deliberately to sacrifice my needs and wants so that he can meet his? It is because his happiness was more important to me than plans for my own life? Because his life was more important to me that I forgot I had my own life to live? i really can’t tell all I know is all this things means nothing at this moment.

I wonder if he is going for would last forever, if all these sacrifices he is making will be worth it, if it will give him the happiness he deserves and if it does how long it will last. One thing I have learned in all these is that It is never hard to decide what your life is all about, or which direction you want it to take, its figuring out  how far you are willing to go, what you are willing to sacrifice in order to make your life be what u want it to be that is hard. I hope he did know this and his sacrifices will be worth it.

This too shall pass, it’s all I keep telling myself every time that pain invade my heart, its all I keep saying every time I get to my cold bed, it’s what I say every time I wake up and realize am alone, it’s all I say when I sit alone in that dinner table taking my dinner alone realizing I have no one one who would comment on my bad cooking skills. When I open that door after long day of working and realize there is no one to ask how my day was. And every time I write this diary.

Much love

Me