Is this what sadness is all
about? Is this what it feels like to see the promise you have been waiting for
so long being broken before your eyes and you can do nothing about it? Is this
what take possession over our bodies and souls when beautiful hopes shatter
in hindsight because the expected happiness fed not just on actual
circumstances but on a promise that was not kept? It is so surprising how a
small promise can give someone life and destroy the same life it created when broken.
People make promises every day,
the world if full of it. Promising is a human way of uniquely ordering the
future, making it predictable and reliable to the extent that this it is
humanly possible. Somehow a lot of people make promises without considering the outside environment that can interfere with their plans.A lot of people make promises that they cannot fulfill in the end,while others will use every possible way to fulfill every word they said. There are those who believe in the power of promises, that once you make a promise
somehow the universe will side with you to help you keep it. But after today I don’t
think if I can ever believe in promises anymore, after all the world is full of
promises that were not kept.
Some people will make
promises to others because of their hopes, dreams or wishes and work very hard
to keep these promises because of their fear to disappoint the other person,
fear of not being trusted again by the people they promised. These people are unique;
they never promise what they cannot deliver. But there are those who promise a
lot of things and fulfill nothing; these people should know that, anyone who
promises too much is in danger of breaking these promises. And then there are
those who would promise anything that seems to guarantee the better days ahead
or anything that will help them get what they wanted on that moment. These too,
in most cases don’t keep their promises and end up power less and frustrated.
There are periods of despondency and
suffering that possess me every now and then. I fight them trying to be strong
but then there are those times when one of the things that gave me the strength
to fight turn out to be a lie and I loose it. For the first time in a long time
I feel like I don’t belong in this world, the feeling I had when I was a young child,
and when I was a teenager and experiencing them now as a young woman. Every
plan that I make does not work, every promise made somehow end up broken. I don’t
know if it is me or it is the people who make those promises but somehow this
feeling make me wonder why? On days like these I see life as pandemonium and
humanity as worms struggling blindly toward inevitable annihilation.
Dear diary, I know words can be
twisted into any shape. People twist these words everyday making promises to
hull the heart and seduce the soul of the other. But somehow it is difficult
for me to get my heart to accept that the broken promise was not actually a
promise but twisted words. It not easy for my heart to come to terms with the
fact that sometimes promises are labels that people give things in an effort to
wrap their brains around the underlying nature when a big percentage of the
time the totality is an entirely different thing.
Somehow I have never been able to
figure out how to respond to broken promises, but there is one thing I know; I
will not let this broken promise break me all over again. I will not let it
take the courage I have worked so hard to build.
See you when you see me.
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