Friday, September 26, 2014

I will marry in future


Dear diary,

Recently married people have started to get to my nerves, I don’t know why but suddenly they are so interested in my love life, for some reasons they cannot stop bothering me with a question as to when I will get married and to whom. Sometimes it sound like being unmarried woman is something I should be ashamed of yet am still in my twenties. I am beginning to think those who are dismissive of my singleness are those who have settled, those who got married because that was what was expected of them and they don’t seem to understand is that am the kind of person who would rather get my hopes really high and watch them get crushed into little pieces than wisely keep my expectations at bay and hope they are exceeded.

I don’t know why, but people have forgotten that the point of getting married is not just to have a ring on it but to spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you want to be a better person.  Yeah I know no relationship is perfect but who wants to be married to a person who makes you have dutiful sex, who settles for a football over a picnic with you , who believe in a husbandly capitulation... yes baby, okay honey, I love you honey but does not mean any of it. He just does it because he wants to pretend your marriage is working but really how long can that go on before both of you are so tired?? Do people even stop to think how much effort will be required to sustain the feeling between two people who don't really have a chemistry together but they have to get married because they are pregnant or what ever excuse they have?

We all want different things, and I know I have a right not to settle because this life is so difficult at it is why would anyone want to be with someone looking forward to a life of hardship and routines for the next 50 years just because you married that nice good-looking-rich-perfect on paper man who make you feel like a stranger in your own house trying so hard to keep it together before he runs our and screw another woman. And before you know it you start saying you wish you waited a little bit longer before you got into the whole marriage and family life.

May be am over thinking all this. But really what is it with the whole marriage thing that everyone who is not in it wants to get to it and everyone who is in it wants to get out of it? I think most people would not get married if they could see the future of their marriages. Many marriages falls apart sooner than anyone expects, not what we can see on the outside but what is really happening behind closed doors. Sometimes it scares me to think how many people would smile, hug or even kiss in public yet when they are home they cannot bear to hear the sound of each other, it is sad you when you are married to the person you can’t really talk to about anything and more sad if you are married to the person you can be quiet with, and all you do is argue.. I think of those couples who make babies out of their loneliness and boredom and it saddens me. Those couples who would see themselves growing further apart each day than they ever imagined when courting, and before they know it they begin to ask themselves, when did everything go wrong, but the real question is when was it ever right??

Dear diary, don’t get me wrong, am not saying marriage is a bad thing nor do I say I will not get married someday for I too know happiness is only real when it is shared with another person that means the world to you. But until I find that person I am willing to take may time and continue to explore the world I live in. I wouldn't want to join so many people who live in unhappy marriages and will not take initiative to change their situation because they feel trapped in their own lives.

I think I am one of those people who are looking for something more than just a ring on it and a bunch of babies to take care of. I am aiming high as I wait for my right wrong person, I know for sure he will not be perfect but what really matters to be is if he want to evolve and become a better version of himself, if he will love me and will respect and honor me, if he will absolutely be true to me give me my freedom of expression and let me fly in the development of my own talents. If he will not try too hard to be someone he is not just to impress me. If he will not over think every little thing I say just to make sure he proves me wrong at the end of the day. When I find that person I will know for sure the rest of my life has arrived. But until then I will enjoy my life as it is.

Cheers!!!



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