Being different..

Dear diary

There are days that you wake up and you just know it’s going to be a better day than yesterday, you know you are still in war but you have made one step ahead, that you survived yesterday and you don't have to worry about tomorrow, you just have to put one foot in front of the other and try to get through the day. In those days you find yourself thinking of something else, something rather than your own problems and life. Like what really bring people together, are they brought together by their similarities or by their differences?

Someone may say people are brought together by their similarities, it can be cultural similarities, it can be religion, and it can be language, nationality or anything else. They say these similarities influence their ability to see things flowing in the same direction. They say it makes it easy for them to get along. About five decades ago, similarity was a compulsory requirement for a young man or a young woman to marry in my village. In that time it was believed that people of the same tribe same culture should protect each other and whoever was different was seen as an enemy. People who got married during that time in my village had to marry a man or woman of our tribe and religion, form a specific family that his parents approved.  It was believed that these similarities would make strong marriages which would lead to strong families. And to some extent they did.

Someone may say difference or a similarity does not matter, they will marry whoever they fall in love with. That to them languages, cultural practices, nationality or religions does not matter. Some may say it’s not the similarities that bring happy marriages and happy families, it’s the differences. But the question is what is really different? Is it the white guy and a black woman who are happily married? Or is it an Arabic guy falling in love with a catholic lady? What is more different?     A Chagga man who is happily married to Sukuma lady or a  Chagga man  form Rombo who married a Chagga lady from Machame? who are really different? Hutu marrying a Tutsi from the same country or Hutu from Rwanda marrying a Subai from Saudi Arabia?

If you ask me, similarities and differences has nothing to do with  externalities, it has nothing to do with  a person’s race, religion, language, food, dresses,  age, or their geographical boundaries. Perhaps this is why they say love is blind. Two people meet and at that point their heart speak in a language that only the two of them can understand.  Many people who found themselves in these situations did not plan for it; they did not plan to fall in love and even marry someone who might seem so different from outside yet so similar in the inside.

There are times that we find ourselves on cross roads, torn between what we want and what our families, friends and relatives wants for us. They want us to be with people that share the same cultural practices with us, or may be same religions, or may be same languages. We know for sure they do not have ill intentions but still this does not change how you feel for a person when you are in love. Even if they seem different because of where they come from or what they believe in does not matter, what you feel for each other is all that is important.

I think its how you choose to deal with these differences, weather you choose to respect them or magnify them it’s all up to you. Am yet to meet a couple who are the same, what I know is even if you're similar there is always differences. As long as you are two individuals there will always be some differences in some things. Weather you marry a man from your tribe or a lady from your denomination there are always those differences. If you look closely across cultures and human ethnic groups you will realize there are always some similarities, if you choose to focus on these similarities then the differences don't matter.

The truth is we are all different in some way, and if we find that one person whose difference is compatible with ours we just know we can overcome all the barriers set between us, and once you decide to fight together something beautiful is always created. And that is for today  my dear diary......!