Every day we go to bed full of
plans for the next day or our life in general, we plan for the future hoping
we will someday enjoy the benefits of planning ahead. We plan what to wear,
what to eat, what to do the next day, what time to wake up and the list goes
on. But have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and wish you could
walk away from your life? Have you ever thought what would have happen if you
had a different life? Have you ever had that feeling that this life is not what
you really had planned for yourself? Do you ever wish everything would have
gone as you planned?
If you look around you will realize even the most well planned plan may fail, perhaps this is due to
differences circumstances that conspire against those who lay the foundation of these plans, or may be
the loop holes that are left when laying down the plan. For those who believe
in fate will say it’s because planning its unnatural process, that normally
things should happen as a result of coincidences or according to ones destiny. While
those who believe in the power of planning will assure you it will be too late to
dig a well when you are dying of thirst.
They say plans are essential part
of human life. That is important to plan ahead because when the schemes are
laid in advance even circumstances will fit in. Yeah I had it all planned out,
my life, my future. When I was joining college I planned that by the time am
done with college I will be engaged, married to a handsome guy one year later,
have twelve children.. Yeah I love children and live a happily ever after. I thought
if I will be a good girl, do everything that was supposed of me, I would end up
with the right guy... I mean isn't it what everyone say? That you have to
concentrate on being a good girl and not finding a right guy? But it never
happened, the one guy I thought was good turned out to be not so good. It has
been six good years since I laid down that plan, six years!! And none of that had come to place, well
except for graduating and securing a job in one of the multinational companies.
And then there are those nights
that I lie awake on my bed, trying to plan my next move but then it hit me, none of the previous plans have ever worked!!! I begin to wonder what went
wrong, felling like I have failed myself and those who are close to me,
feeling like none of the plans I make today will be successful, may be
something greater than me is conspiring against me, and that I might never
be successful in any plan that I make, hoping desperately that the circumstances
will improve but suspecting in my mind that I might die a failure.....Once I get such an encounter its becomes difficult to plan anything because I don’t
trust yourself and at that moment the importance of planning ahead disappears.
My plans of having twelve children
have now been trimmed to three..I hope it will not shrink to one or zero by the
time I find that right wrong person for me. Somehow I don’t know how to handle the
costly interruptions in my plans. May be its because I don’t know how and why the doors in my life
slams shut, the plans I plan get side tracked, why the love I thought I had
ended.
Lately the thought of most of my
plans ending in vein irks me. I am beginning to suspect even for those things
that have fallen to place it’s not because of me planning ahead but they are
the result of millions of coincidences that happened without my knowledge. May be
it’s because I relied too much on planning and forecasting and underestimated
the importance of random factors in the environment that might lead to the down
fall of my plans. Either way I have made up my mind, planning it is not for me,
am not going to plan anymore. This way failure will come to me as a complete surprise
rather than being proceeded by long periods of worry and depression. I will
take life as it comes, dear diary...no more planning...no more fight to complete
my plans... see you tomorrow.
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