Flashback...

Dear diary,

Two years ago I was just like any other broken girl who is trying to keep her misery to herself. I would appear strong, confident, happy, contented and chatty sometimes. But the truth is I would spend most of my nights crying, most of my evenings watching movies that will take my mind off my miseries for a while, I spent most of my days laughing at the jokes that I didn't find funny, saying things that I did not mean, meaning things that I never said… because at the end I just wanted to fit in, I wanted to belong somewhere. After all that was what everybody is trying to do: to fit in, one way or another we are at some point desperately trying to pretend we are all the same while the truth is we are never the same. Each and every one of us is different in their own unique way.

Like all the lonely people I had so many friends, I thought somehow surrounding myself with a lot of friends will make me feel less lonely. And yeah it did work, only that my loneliness would catch up to me every time I was alone. One day as I was trying to get through the day, I came across a long time friend who introduced me to a friend of hers. Until that day I had not known that a complete stranger could have the capacity to alter the life of another irrevocably neither did I know that was going to be my turning point.  I have not been able to answer a question on how I and this stranger connected effortlessly considering that am not a people’s person. Just after being introduced me and Mr. Stranger started talking effortlessly about issues, and when I say issues I mean things that could make this world a better place. There were no questions of how old are you or do you have a girlfriend kind of questions.

As time went by me and Mr. Stranger would spend not only days but nights as well, we would discuss everything and anything that was on the table on each particular day. We would talk about business, politics, religions, languages and books that we had exchanged. Sometimes we would talk about our personal lives, share our hopes for the future, dreams that might never come true, goals that were never achieved and even the disappointments that life had thrown in our way. He was so easy to talk to; I could tell him everything, even the things I had sworn not to tell anyone…. He became my companion, a shoulder to cry on, I didn't have to be alone anymore. I think somewhere along these lines I fell in love with him, I don't remember when and how it happened.  But it did happen, I didn't tell anyone not even him because I was not sure if I was in love with him or if I was in love with the feeling I get when I am with him (does it make a difference anyway?).

 They say love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves, we find it with another. For me I found the meaning to my life with this stranger who was no other but the son of the retired general, I was used to me on my own, dwell in my miseries, I was used to bad things happening to me. But somehow the son of the retired general made things seem so easy, there are times when I could doubt everything, there are nights that I would call everything into question wondering if it was real or not. There are times when I would worry sick that I have lost myself and I didn't  know how to get out. I would worry about all that control I had lost over me, I had become so inseparable from being with him that if we were to be separate I would no longer be. I never wanted to depend on someone that much, and there I was… I couldn't even spend a day without him.

Dear diary, you may fall in love with a number of people or think you have. But there is only one person that could change everything. I cannot say I have not been in love before because I like to think I have, but the love I felt (and still feel) for son of the retired general is different. They say when we love we strive to be better than we are; it is true, he made me better person, he gave me a purpose, a reason to look forward to tomorrow. Life is filled with unanswered questions; for those who have lost hope, the courage to seek those answers is the one thing that continues to give meaning to life. I had spent my entire life wallowing in despair, trying to find answers to many unanswered questions, wondering why I was led towards the road strewn with pain but all this changed when the son of the retired general walked in my life; I began to be grateful that I was strong enough to survive everything I had been through. I stopped searching for answers, I stated to enjoy life.

Every story have two sides… this was just part of the first side I will tell you more when I see you next time. Bye!!