If
you have ever dealt with a person who has lost everything they have been
working for all their life in a fraction of a second then you understand how I
felt. When you lose everything even the hope of seeing tomorrow something in
you changes, i think your human emotions are somehow turned off, you stop
being human. You do need any glory or money. You don’t need fame or success
revenge becomes your only joy. It becomes something that motivates you. Seeing
the people who destroy your life suffer becomes your pleasure. I know a lot of
people who believe in forgiveness will not agree with me but speaking from my
experience there is pleasure in getting even with whoever has hurt you.
Anyone
who wants to get even and has succeeded will be my witness... because they have
felt the pleasure am talking about, it is a cold comfort. It is something that
you can’t express in words but it happens inside you. But I must warn you, the pleasure of revenge
always destroy something inside you, something that would not have been harmed if you would
have made a decision to let go of the revenge and die all by yourself, though the
question is not whether we lose a piece of our soul due to revenge but it is
weather we will miss it. My cousin who was the Alpha in all this was to be the
first one in my list but since he was already dead (killed in the car accident)
the priest was the first in the list. Even though I had sworn not to return to
the convert I was going to do so but this time with a different motive.
I
was one of those trophy girls; the kind of girls very man would die for her to
grace his bed so getting even with the male species was so easy. I woke up one morning
when I was ready to start my revenge mission, dressed up while paying attention
to all the necessary details making sure I was irresistible. My journey to the convent
began at around 9:30 am. It wasn't that far. It took me about four hours until
I was there. They all welcomed me with open arms, as if they were all saints. I
had bought some presents for some of the including the priest. That evening I
took am present to his house, I knew he lived alone so it was not a problem.
Dear
diary, like any other survivor, my memory has so many different sections with
so many triggers. I would see those buildings, their wicked smiles and it would
bring back all the painful memories I have been trying to run away from. I went
to the Priests house that evening, I knocked and he opened the door, his smile
reminded me of the very first day when he raped me in his office.... how
painful it was yet he was enjoying every second of it. I told him I brought him
a present as my way of showing my appreciation for his support. He then welcomed me to his house. As we
sat there talking about this and that I made sure he got the view of me that
would make him crave for more and I was successful... before he knew it he had
locked all doors and windows and ready to do what he does best. When it was all
done I left...... he thought he had won but he didn't know I was no longer a
young and helpless child. I was a woman with cold heart.
The
following Sunday I went to the church, gave him his letter, the letter that
informed him that he was not only HIV positive and I asked him to tell everyone
what he has been doing all these years or I will do it for him. For some
reasons he thought I was bluffing, that I was still that helpless child and he did not do it. I never bothered him, the Sunday after that was Easter... I woke up as
early as I could... went to the convent, put few pictures of me and him doing
things that made half of the church members blush on the announcement board,
with a note.........“Next time, you will
find these pictures in the magazine”. The shame he went through, his lost
carrier, and the fact that even other children confessed that he used to abuse
them made my heart a little bit lighter.
He was later charged for child abuse and sentenced to 40 years in jail.
As
for Jerome and his friends it was so easy, I didn't have to deal with his
friends, I didn't even know them for sure, that day in his house was the very
first day I saw any of them. I wanted to get even with Jerome, he was my friend
and he betrayed me. He was supposed to protect me but then he arranged for me
to be raped. I wanted him to feel how it felt.
Jerome
was one of those guys who would drink the night away on the weekend, and leave
with any woman who wanted to leave with him. All I did was to pay a hooker to give
him company for few minutes before she slips some cocaine in his beer and then
leave the rest to me. When all that was done, I took him to a hotel room. It is
amazing what people will do for money... I did not have to do a thing other than
paying three men to rape him...when all was done I was there to take few pictures
just in case he tries to do anything stupid... now that is what I call an eye
for an eye.
My
revenge to Jerome was a start, since then I dated men and broke so many hearts.... I broke up with them in
the worst way possible, I made them beg me but I didn't care..... All I could
see in them is how they mistreated me and made my life a living hell.....I
could tell you all about so many different stories but I would never finish....
to date I have slept with 400 men of whom are now infected with HIV/AIDS and
would follow me to the grave soon or later. I have no regrets for what I did... and if given
a chance I would do it again.
Dear
diary, weather you believe in fate, God or whatever you believe in it all comes
down to one thing; who do you blame when something goes wrong?? A lot of people
after reading this will judge me...will think that am heartless... but I hope you remember I did not start it...am just finishing what they started... I know some of you know the priest's
story but you never knew who was behind it until now... I know some of you will
meet my victims and will say that is was God’s will or bad luck...or they were
at the wrong place in a wrong time... but then again you could say the same
thing about me couldn't you?
The
end
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