Unposted letter ....3

Dear diary,

In my life I had never been sure of anything as much as I hoped that, one day I will be in love with a man who really loved me, the kind of love that was portrayed in romantic movies, a mutual affection but what mattered to me then was knowing I was in a relationship with a man who would do anything to make me happy. The truth is me and Tobby had nothing in common, we loved different things and we had very different interests. But if there is anything I had learned from my previous relationship was that, love is never about being the same, it was something deeper that, so I learned to enjoy our differences instead.

My mother always told me that, the only reason to get married to someone is because you love that person and can’t live without that person, if there is any reason besides that then you have to know marriage will be like hell to you and your partner. I really wanted to get married someday but cold I ever love anyone like the way my mother loved my farther? After two years in our relationship Tobby had proposed for marriage, yeah he did love me with all his heart... he would do anything for me but me on the other hand I felt like I was missing something... something that I was yet to know.... I guess wanted to explore more options before I make life time commitment after all I was still too young for marriage. I told him I needed time to think about it. He agreed, he was always patient with me.

My parents really loved Tobby, I think it was because he was different. A lot of people would not want to sturdy hard, work hard, go out and look for something, they would just sit and believe in luck but Tobby was one of those guys who believed that one must work hard to find their luck.  He believed that if you sturdy smart, work hard, take action and give your effort and your best it is a full guarantee that whatever your doing would work out for you. He was really a husband material, I kind of man children would be proud to call their father.

Dear diary, fate of your heart is your choice and no one else gets a vote. Few weeks later after I told Tobby I needed time to think about my decision to get married; I was to travel for business abroad, I thought this would be a perfect get away for me. I thought is will be a perfect time for me to think things over before I make a decision that might change my life forever. It never occurred to me I was about to meet a man who would change my life irrevocably.

So many people enter our lives, so many people leave our lives and all you have to do is to hold the door open so they can come in but it also means you have to let them go. When I was abroad I met my prince charming, the one I had always been dreaming about, he was named Jonathan. There was a lot of magic between us that I can never deny. I really cannot explain how I came to be with Jonathan or how we turned from being strangers to being lovers, all that I can say from this experience is  that; love is untamed force, when you attempt to control it, it destroys you. When you attempt to imprison it, it will somehow find a way to enslave you and when you attempt to understand it, it will always leave you feeling lost and confused than before. Before I knew it I was back to the old version of me “Sarah the cheater” God!! it was as if I was possessed with a demon or something.... I was cheating on Tobby just like the way I did to Bryson!!

I knew it wasn't right, it wasn't fair; I knew it was wrong in so many ways but I could not help it, not when Jonathan was in the same room with me. I can honestly say I could go two, three or even four days without wondering what Tobby was doing or even thinking about him unless I found his email or missed call. Did this mean I did not love him?? I kept asking myself that question every time I received his email,  message or call but I always decided it didn't for a simple reason that his image would ambush me when I least expected it reminding of all the beautiful moments we had shared.......

Read Continuation....Unposted letter 4