Unposted letter.......2

Dear diary,

There are times in my life where I have been an angel to some while the devil to other people, there are times when I have been a medicine to some and poison to others. When I was in relationship with Bryson I thought I was a victim of my satiation, I blamed him and sometimes I blamed myself for my unhappiness until I met Tobby and he made me realize that I was not supposed to be the victim of my own story, I was supposed to be a creator of my story. I was the one to sit behind the steering of my own life and take it where I wanted to go. The person I wanted to be did exist, the kind of impact I wanted to leave on others it was all up to me. Tobby was a wise young man who owned a series of small businesses in town. I must admit the speech he gave me that day changed my life.

I know you are wondering where Tobby came from and how we met. Well it happened that; one day I had gone to a club with Bryson, after dancing for a while I sat on a stool sipping my Bavaria while he went to the bathroom. Until that time it had never occurred to me that Bryson could be one of those guys with multiple girlfriends, as I was sitting there a beautiful lady approached me, she was friendly, she introduced herself as Glenn and asked me how I got to know the guy I was dancing with. I told her, he was my boyfriend and I had known him for a while... before she could tell me what she wanted to say, Bryson was already back and she just ended up saying “be careful he might not be what you think he is.” I didn't understand what she meant so I asked Bryson. I think this is where I flipped his controlling switch. He became so angry and started to shout telling me I should not be talking to strangers, before I could even tell my side of the story he had grabbed me by my arm and took me to out of the club.  I was scared I had never seen him like that before, so I kept quiet and I never asked about Glenn anymore.

A month later, the so called Glenn showed up at Bryson’s apartment. Luckily I was the one who opened the door when she knocked, before I could ask her anything Bryson was already there and he took her outside so that they could “talk.” When he got back in the house I asked him why Glenn came to his house and how did the so called stranger knew where he lived.  Instead of answering, he became so angry saying he does not want to talk about her. I was furious, it was one thing to make a mistake but it was another one to keep making it. From the way both of them behaved it was obvious there was something seriously wrong, something that Bryson did not want me to find out but Glenn was burning to tell me. I got mad and left his apartment, I went to a liquor store to buy something that will take my mind off Bryson for a while. This is where I met Tobby; I didn't even know what I wanted specifically but he was there to advise me on what would taste good, before I knew it we were talking about all kinds of alcohols in his store. When I was done he offered to walk me home, I was mad at Bryson and I thought I could really use a company.

Dear diary, as we were walking home I could not stop myself from thinking about Bryson and Glenn, I told myself if I didn't care, It wouldn't have been hurt so much but I did care so what was I supposed to do? It was at this point I knew I really needed someone to give me his/her views on the matter, maybe I was being paranoid, maybe I wasn't .. so I started narrating my love life to Tobby, he was a good listener. I guess that is what I really needed that night and every other night when I fought with Bryson, and every time I was upset with something. He was never tired of my endless stories, nor was he tired of advising me and encouraging me to take control of my life.

As the days went buy I became so close to Tobby, I began to cheat on Bryson, I admit it was one of those things that my parents would have been so disappointed if they knew it ever happened. There are times when I would sit alone in the dark wondering how I became one of those girls who would date multiple guys at a time. It was as if there was a beast that lived inside me, in the cavern where my heart should have been and every now and then it would fill every inch of my skin with those evil desires that I could not help myself from doing something that was inappropriate.

It had begun with one kiss and I didn't know how to stop, it was like one of those things you start and then you grow out of control. You want to get rid of it because it is hurting you and everyone around you but every time you try to end it , it consumes you again. I wanted to stop, get rid of Tobby because having him around made things between me and Bryson worse, I started lying and I could not stop myself from lying more every day, I didn't even know who I was anymore.

This went on until I could not take it anymore, I ended things with Bryson. The truth is Tobby helped me a lot in this, he even helped me to get a new job. It was the beginning of my new life or so I thought...

Read continuation...Unposted letter 3