Unposted letter...4

Dear diary,

The best kind of love is unexpected, unexplainable, undeniable and unimaginable. I will never forget Jonathan’s sweet scent; it will always remind me of the love we once shared. I knew our love had no guarantees, no way of knowing what the future healed for us, so I gave myself to him fully. I wanted to enjoy the moment as much as I could because some things don’t last forever. We had so many wonderful moments together, each day was chained to the previous one.... I was convinced that anyone who ever believed a minute was faster than a decade did not know who much a minute can mean when you are with the person you truly love.

I can never begin to explain how painful it was when the time for us to part came. Jonathan and I lived in different countries, chances of us seeing each other were so minimal, I remember the week before we part ways I would cry every night when I thought of how far apart we were going to be. It was so painful for us to separate, it was as if I had forgotten my life before Jonathan, our souls were connected, may be they had always been and always will be connected. We promised to keep the communication alive. He took me to the airport when the day arrived and I left while he remained behind.

When I got home Tobby was so happy to see me, it had been two months since we last saw each other but I was not happy. I felt like too much was going on in my life..... It was like my inside did not match up with my outside, I didn't know who I was at that time; I was more confused than when I left. Tobby was so excited about my return; he wanted to know every detail of my trip. I really couldn't tell him what really happened after all I was cheating on him so I came up with a fabricated story. my communication to Jonathan was perfect, we kept our long distance relationship a secret, I could not tell anyone about me and Jonathan because no one wound understand and I didn't feel like I needed to explain because I knew in my heart how real it was.  When I thought of him I could not stop smiling, he had completed me in a way no one could ever do, he had made me a better person, a much happier person.

Dear diary, Shakespeare was right all along when he said love will kill you in the end, my communication with Jonathan was almost perfect in the beginning. sometimes I think I fell deeper in love when we were apart than when we were together. we would spend a better part of a day chatting. He would never sleep without sending a goodnight message; he would never hide anything from me even if we were miles apart. There are times I even entertained the thought of us spending the rest of our lives together. It was a very beautiful love. A month after my return I began to feel dizzy, tired without any good reason. I decided to go to the hospital and to my shock I was told I was six weeks pregnant. I knew for sure Jonathan was the father of the baby I was carrying but how was I going to break the news to Tobby, a guy who loved and trusted me with his life?? How was I going to tell my parents that I had turn out to be one of those girls who cheat on their boyfriend?

I decided it was time to distance myself from both of them until I decide what to do next so I went to my grandmothers place. Two weeks later I had made up my decision; I came back home, sat in front of my computer open my emails only to find about 30 emails from Jonathan!! Some of these emails said he had something important to tell me and it could not wait so he was in town and hopping to meet me. Then it hit me, my phone was off for two weeks, I switched it on and his messages kept flowing like river Nile, I called him back but he was not reachable, I kept thinking what was so important that he had to come tell me in person? I dismissed the thoughts and typed my email to him, telling him about my situation, that I was pregnant with his baby and I was sorry for not being around for the past two weeks.

I sat there waiting for his reply but there was no any reply. And the day after there was no reply and the week after there was no reply.... I kept asking my self... did I misread the signs?? Was he just using me?  How could he break all the promises he had made?? How could he be so cold after I told him I was pregnant with his child??..... So many questions but there were no one to answer..... No reply to any of my emails I had sent to him.....

Read continuation .....Unposted letter 5