Unposted letter ....5

Dear diary,

In fairy tales there is somthing deeper than love, the princess kiss the frogs and the frogs become princes but in reality the princess kiss the princes and the princes turn into frogs.  It was all making sense now; being raised in a Christian family I knew my life just like any other person’s life was made up of attitudes and there are certain things God oblige us to live through and we cannot avoid them. The reasons for these things does not matter... no action we can take to make them pass by but to believe that all will be well in the end. I was running out of time, the baby inside me was growing, Tobby was waiting for my answer and Jonathan was nowhere to be seen. I told myself no matter how much confused I felt I was not going to let it out. If I had to cry I was going to cry on the inside, if I couldn't stop myself from crying I was not going to let anyone see my tears. If I had to bleed, I will bruise. If my heart stat to go crazy I was not going to tell anyone about it because it would have made everyone’s life even worse.

I tried to be strong but there were days that I just couldn't  I was too tired of waiting, tired of fighting the war that did not seem to end, on those days I would break down and cry so hard. Deep down I knew I was not crying because Jonathan abandoned me but because my delusion of who he was were shattered by the truth of who he really was. I was coming to terms with the cold truth that loving someone requires a leap of faith since soft landing is not guaranteed.

Everyday God give us the sun and also a chance one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. After two weeks more with no reply I sat again in front of my computer, but this time with a different motive, I typed an email to Jonathan, telling him I was not pregnant and it was a false alarm. That evening I went to see Tobby, I told him I had accepted his proposal... for us to get married. He was so happy... I also told him that I just found out I was pregnant with his baby (which was a lie of cause).

Dear diary, when I was young I used to feel special when I knew something that no one else did. It was some kind of power that I really enjoyed possessing but this time it felt like a weakness. The weight of this secret was taking toll on me; I began to lose my appetite, my weight.... I lost the happy person I used to be. Few months later I said yes to Tobby and we were now married officially. There was not any message or reply from Jonathan, even though I was already married I kept wishing for him to reply my emails but he didn't.  With time the hurt begin to fade and it was easier to just let it go but every time I thought of the baby growing inside my womb I found myself checking my emails hopping for a reply but there was none. I never wanted to send another email, I didn't know what to say, may be it’s also because I feared his reply, besides I had moved on with my life and I didn't want to think of what would have happened if he demanded a DNA test.

Few months later we welcomed our newest member of the family, Carina. She had a lot of things that she had taken form Jonathan, no one knew but me. With Carina by my side life seemed to make sense once again. She brought back all the joys that were lost by Jonathan’s betrayal. Things were good or so I thought until one day I got a call from a strange number, by that time Carina was eighteen months old. The person on the other side introduced himself as John (I could swear his voice was exactly the same as Jonathan's voice). He told me he had wanted to see me, he was in town with a letter I would want to see.... million thoughts went through my mind but I agreed into meeting him the following day.....

Read continuation Unposted letter 6