I weep for the future generations of my country...

Dear diary,

It is heart breaking, the fact that most Tanzanians cannot reach the international literacy average. Yet year after year our education slips down the list of important matters to be addressed head on. For a long time now I have tried to look back trying to pin point the exact moment when our education system started to fall apart. When it did become a cancer that is threatening the future of our nation and no one cares to find the cure for it. I am not sure when, but what breaks my heart even more is the fact that our leaders would rather sit in the parliament coming up with theories rather than action plans to change the situation

 Perhaps it’s a just “math” and other science subjects that most Tanzanians have never been good at. Perhaps it is the teaching language in our schools or maybe it is the syllabus we use. These are just some of the many opinions our leaders use as an excuse as to why students performances is becoming poor and poor. What no one seems to notice is; low performance is not limited to science subjects nor is it limited to secondary schools where the media for communication is English. As hard as it might be for anyone to believe; there are pupils who finish primary school and pass their national exams without knowing how to write or read. The question is.... how did they do the exam and pass?? Apologists will never get tired of finding excuses as to why this and that happened, but what they don’t seem to get it the “why” is not as important as “how and what” can be done to improve the situation.

Those who went to school on the 1990s or even before that would agree with me, education used to be important back then, teachers used to be more committed to educate students than doing businesses to sustain their families, schools used to be places where one will gain more knowledge on development, growth or new invention. But now days the education is more about cramming and passing exams. Everyone seems to forget education is not about passing exams but what you remain with after you have graduated. Our government is bent on making exams even easier for students to pass instead of improving the education system and methods. It is more determined in producing graduates who have big certificates but  little brains...

Dear diary, I weep for the future generations of this great nation, the generation that the government would opt to remark national exams to improve the results (does it even make sense? I mean how do you remark the exam to improve the results? Put a tick where there was a cross before?).  I weep for those children of ours who will be taught in Swahili from primary school to higher learning institutions, our poor government is limiting their employment opportunities to a country that is already flooded with unemployment... oooh what is even worse is their second option ; teaching everything in English form primary school to higher learning institutions, using teachers who cannot express themselves in English, the teachers for never passed form four National Exams because English language was too difficult for them to build the foundation of language.

I weep for those children who go to school to use a book that says 2x5= 25 and the teacher are too busy to notice since they are busy selling candies to students so that they can get food for their families. I weep for  more than half of all Tanzania children the will be chosen to join ward secondary school because these schools have no teachers, no classes, no laboratories, no libraries and yet they are expected to compete in the competitive economy of East Africa. They are expected to be the leaders who will take this nation to the next level.

Can’t anyone else see that the principle reason for decline and fall of our education is ignorance?  Our education is ignored; we have built more schools but we have fewer classrooms and no teachers. No laboratories and no libraries, yet the government will help to improve science education by giving full sponsorship (in higher learning Institutions) to science students. The question that I keep asking myself is, if a house has a really poor foundation can you improve it by roofing it with the most expensive roof?? And By the way who are these science students that will be sponsored, are they children from the poor family who never knew what a chemistry teacher look like or are they the children of the wealthy part of the country who went to study abroad and came back to sit for national exams??

Can’t anyone see the few teachers we have in these school are ignored to the fullest?? They are the only people who can change the future of this nation yet they have no salaries, no houses to live or even means of transport to get to work? Can’t anyone see that one teacher cannot teach a class of 200 students and make each and every one of them understand what he/she is teaching?

The more I listen to our leaders the more I weep for the future generations; all suggestions to improve education are based on selfishness, little thought for the future of children of the poor. I fear for the future of this nation, a nation that was once united being torn apart between the haves and the have nots because of our education system. The haves will send their children to expensive private schools( almost all our leaders already do this), to get the first grade education while the others will be stack in ward secondary school where there is basically nothing to learn for more than half the time you are in school. The children of the rich will come back; rule the millions of other young people who are alienated and with no hope of improving their children’s future.  

I see two societies, living side by side, in the same country, one preying over the other with no mercy. I see the foreigners coming to our countries taking all the good jobs in our own country while majority of us remain unemployed due to poor qualification. I see limited thinking, low exposure and poor decision making that might put this nation in a great danger....... I see the beginning of the end.

Powerless.....

Dear diary,

They say love is not a surge of passion but it is a choice to commit to something or someone no matter what life throws in your direction. It is the ability to keep making the same choice again and again, day in day out…. Year after year about that one person because your life is so much better with him in it that all the challenges seem like nothing. But even with all this there is nothing more heart breaking than seeing the one person that you love and care for the most, your reason for living and existing sinking into intense depression and pain, knowing there is nothing you can do about it.

Yeah I know there is a war inside each and every one of us, sometimes it is the only thing that keeps us alive and gives us courage to go on but at other times it threaten to destroy us completely. But I can not help to hate the helplessness feeling, the power less feeling I get when I watch the people I really love and care about being hurt and know there is nothing I can do about it. I want to help, to easy their pain to make them feel better….. but it like being tied to a chair forced to watch horrible things happening to the people you love.

You can feel their pain in you, because part of you is connected to them and their pain is your pain. Long time ago someone wise told me that, growing up is all about getting hurt and then getting over it. We get hurt and over it again and again but each time we learn something different, each time we come out a little stronger. Everyone is down to pain because pain is for the living, pain is a part of life, it’s a part of a big puzzle, the deep music the great game.

Even though there are times when we are powerless to prevent pain and misfortune to the ones we love, there should be no time when we fail to make them feel better and give them the courage they need to get through the difficult times by reminding them we will be walking with them through this difficult and rough road. Because at the end of the day each and every one of us have their own road to travel, we can walk with our loved ones on their rough road but no one can ever walk it for them even if we wanted to.

At times life can take unexpected twists and turns, sometimes through sheer happenstance and at times through calculated decisions. In all these some lives form a perfect circle, one that can easily be understood while others take a shape in ways we can never predict or even understand. Loss, fear of the unknown, being powerless has been a part of my journey to where I am today. But in all this, it has shown me what is precious, what is worth fighting for and what is not. There are times I held on to hate because I had nothing left to hold on to… there are times when I hated myself for everything that was happening to me. But in all this I have learned so much and today I am here to tell everyone who is going through a tough time that,

No matter what happens today, no matter how bad is seems, life goes on and there will be a better tomorrow eventually. I want you to know you are not alone in all this…. You will never be alone. I know it is difficult and it can seem unrealistic but I want you to promise yourself that you will be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To focus on the good thing that life has given you, to always count your blessing not your misfortunes. Promise to talk health, happiness and prosperity to everyone on everyday of your life, to think, pray and hope for the best and only the best in your life. To live in faith even when everything seems to be impossible. To be the winner in this fight because you were born to win.

P.S I love you

I want to know you better

“The talk”, is the name I gave to the conversation we had on Sunday afternoon. Somehow it made me feel so close to you yet i felt like I needed to know you more. As I sit here in my room, thoughts of you keep coming to my mind and for the first time I feel like there is are so many things I need to know about you. Yeah, I do know you but I need to know you better

I know it may sound crazy but I want to know about all the girls you have ever had a crush on, the girls that you loved but for some reasons you could not bring yourself to admit the truth. I want you to tell me about all the girls you have been in love with from the moment you knew the meaning of the word love. I want you to tell me why they loved you and why you loved them. I want to know why it ended and if you have any regrets.

Tell me about the very first day you felt the joy of being in love, tell me if you will risk everything to fight for that kind of joy in your life, to fight the one person who makes you feel so special and needed, if you will risk looking like a fool just to fight for your love, for your dreams and for the adventures of being alive. I want to know if you believe in happily ever after.

I know what you do for a living, I know what you enjoy dong in your free time but i want to know what you ache for, and if you have ever dared to dream of meeting you heart longings. I want to know if you can disappoint other people to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your heart desires. If have a road map on how to get there, if you already know how you will celebrate the achievements of your desires and who you will want to be next to you when you get there.

I want to know what the word “home” means to you. Tell me about the longest time you had to be far from home, tell me how it happened and how you felt. If you missed your home and dreamed of the day you will be back. I want to know what you missed most and why you missed it.

You asked me what I thought of your names and I told you. But now I want to know what you think of your names and more importantly I want to know if you ever lie awake at night thinking of the day your mother pronounced your names for the very first time, the joy in her eyes, the love she had for you. I want to know if you have ever wondered why she gave you those names. I also want to know what you think of my name and what came to your mind when you first heard it.

Tell me about the very first day you felt the weight of hate; tell me what exactly happened on that day. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or you have become shriveled and closed for fear of further pain. Tell me about the person or a thing that brought all this pain to you, how you overcame it in the end. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

Tell me about the very first day you knew that babies were not actually bought but they came out of their mother’s womb, that they are the result of sex between their parents. Tell me about the day you knew boys and girls were different and if you were curious to know what was beneath girls’ skirts. Tell me how you satisfied that curiosity.

I want to know what you do when you are alone. Tell me what you do when you’re lonely; tell me about the very first time you felt like you were alone and nobody really cared bout you. I want to know if you like the company you keep during the empty moments.

What do you think of mistakes? What is the biggest mistake you have ever made? Do you still regret it or did something good come out of it? Tell me about you biggest failure, did it make you feel like you were not good enough or did it encourage you to work hard? I want to know if you can live with failure mine or your own.... I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone to do what needs to be done to feed the children.

Lastly, I want to know what you fear most and why you fear it.

When I become a mother......

Dear diary,

There is a voice inside me that keep whispering. It keeps asking me about the questions that I really don’t what to answer, at least not now. It makes me think of the future that is still far ahead. I don’t know why; perhaps it’s because am in that age you know. The age that most of your age mates have children except you. The age where all your friends won’t stop bothering you with wedding invitations and your parents will not stop asking you when you will get married. Yeah that age where your colleagues will normally ask you about when are you likely to have your first born. Somehow this voice won’t stop asking me what kind of a mother I would be, I don’t know, does anyone even choose the kind of parent they want to be? How do you even know the kind of parent you are anyway?

Am not sure what kind of a mother I would be, but if God bless me with children, I would like my children to call me by my name. I know to some say it will sound disrespectful, but I want my children to know I am not just their mother, am not just a person who gave birth to them but am also their friend. They can come to me any anytime just like a friend would. There is no firmer friendship than a friendship rooted in blood.

I want my children to be God fearing, I will pray with them form the time they are conceived. I will teach them to pray, not because they need something but because they have a lot to thank God for. Prayer is not just about asking, it is a longing of the soul. It is a daily admission of one’s weakness. It is food for the soul and just like their body; their soul will need proper feeding from time to time.

I will teach my children to be independent from the very tender age. I want them to learn how to build their own world instead of waiting for another person to build it for them. I don’t wish for them to have power over others but rather to have more powers over themselves, for them to conquer their demons and leave a free life.

My children will learn life is not easy, it is full of screw ups, they are supposed to fail at times, it is a required part of the human existence. They should never forget that life will hit them hard; at times it will wait for them to get back up and kick then in the stomach again. But what defines them is not how many times they crash but the number of times they get back to their feet with the determination to fight over and over again.

I will make sure they know, they are never alone in all this, they don’t have to go through all the difficulties and hardships of this life  all alone because no matter how wide a person stretch his/her fingers, their hands will always be too small to catch all the pain they want to heal. Sometimes they just need to share their pain with someone so that they can heal again and at times healing comes after helping someone that is going through the same trauma they went through.  Life is for loving, learning, smiling, caring, forgiving, laughing, hugging, dancing, wondering, healing and helping those who are in need.

Since personality is half hereditary, I know part of them will be like the old me. With a bad habit of keeping their nose in the air smelling where there is smoke; then follow its trail back to the burning house, hoping to find the person who lost everything in the fire and save them or maybe they can find the guy who lit the fire and change him. It might seem a good idea in the first place, but they should be careful; this might get their hearts broken because sometimes people don’t change. It’s easy to believe that they will when you are in the midst of saving them but some habits are like a skin, you just can’t change them.

I will teach my children to look at life with a positive eye; to appreciate everything life throws at them; because it is impossible to be both grateful and depressed, people with a grateful mindset tend to see the message in the mess. And even though life may knock them down, they normally find reasons to get back to their feet. Like my mother has taught me, the secret to be contented is to be thankful with what you have; this way you normally end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough. It’s at the days when life seems more difficult that you have to say even more “Thank You” to the almighty God because there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it is sent away.

I will make sure they know apologizing is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. Saying “am sorry” can be the hardest thing but if they wrong anyone they should always be ready to apologize. The one thing they should never apologize for is for speaking the truth.

Finally, I would want my children to know, even though I might not be the best mother in the world but everything I will be doing is for their own good, it is because I worry about them. I am a worrier, I have always been a worrier but their daddy has always been a warrior. He is a strong man, my hero who has given me so much strength so they don’t have to worry.

Is there such a thing as unconditional Love???

Dear diary,

Is it just me or does it happen to everyone? I mean wondering if there is such a thing as unconditional love. I don’t know, may be its because I have been raised in a society where love is always conditional; the kind of society where your parents will love you more if you did good at school and behaved properly at home, the society that your friends would love you if you shared your toys with them and never tell anyone about their dirty little secrets, the society that you will be loved if all the time you use polite language like “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, not screaming in public, not forgetting, and of course giving a lot to everyone who is in need.

When you are raised in such a society, you work hard to do a perfect thing to the people you love so that you don’t lose their love but secretly you also expect them to go out of their way to do what you like to keep your love. The funny thing about all this is the fact that sometimes we don’t really know if the love we have for the other person is conditional until one of the conditions is broken, may be its because we work so hard to have the ideal kind of love that is expected of us to win their approval. Sometimes we even reassure ourselves that we are ready for everything that comes our way as long as we have the one person we truly love. But is it true? Well, if you are in love, chances are, you will say it’s true but let us face it. There are times when we come face to face with some things we did not expect from our partners, those things that you just can’t get off, something that you can’t forget just like that. That is when you realize that sometimes it is not the answer; it is the question of how far you are willing to go that bothers you.

For some reasons people keep saying they love others unconditionally, but if you look closely, you will realize the love they talk about need to be earned, it needs to be proven, its dependent on a certain behaviors, certain rules that have to be observed. I know some people will disagree with me (it’s okay) but let’s be honest, how many of us can give others that true unconditional love?? And when I say unconditional I mean like the kind of love the dog gives its master. How many of us could love even if you have been kicked and beaten and humiliated? How many of us can go on kissing the hand of his/her tormentor with upturned eyes??? I don’t know who could, may be Jesus could, but I know I can never do so.

Nothing will tear us apart, nothing you become will disappoint me, I will love you to the end of the word it’s just among the few promises we make when we are in love in an attempt to tell our loved ones that the love we have for them is true and unconditional. But if love was to be unconditional, no boundaries, no limits, no rules why should anyone try to do the right thing? If I know am loved no matter what I do, no matter what I become, where is the challenge? How do I prove I love the other person if I don’t have to sacrifice a thing to make our love work? I know some will say true love does not need to be proven….but then how will I know if he really loves me? How will he know if I really love him?

There are times that I think love requires both partners to be at their best all the time, because love does have conditions. Because even if love was unconditional then it would not have been free, you have to give to receive. There is always an expectation attached to love. The people you love always expect something in return. Even if it’s not for their own benefit but they do expect something. Like they want you to be happy or faithful and that makes automatically responsible for their happiness because they won’t be happy unless you are.

The truth is the kind of love most of us experience is the kind of love that chooses to believe the best upon the people we love. It gives them the benefit of doubt refusing to fill the unknown with negative assumptions but it is always conditional. Love has to be conditional; love is always conditional because love is never safe.

Why Men In 2014 Should Seriously Consider Dating A Gold Digger

By +Jackie Kalyonge 

First let me start by saying that if you are a broke guy who thinks that money isn’t important in a relationship, then you should move on swiftly because this will definitely rub you the wrong way.

 We all have different tastes in what we want in our future wives/husbands. Some women like tall men, others like men with pot bellies (I personally don’t) and others well…just like millionaires.

When I talk about gold diggers I’m not talking about your typical college girl who is easily impressed by kuku quarter, chips and soda. I’m talking about the beautiful, strong and educated woman who maintains her appearance.

You won’t find her in a downtown club partying with college students who are dressed in t-shirts, stockings and horrendous plastic shoes (I think dressing like this should be declared illegal). 

In fact, I think the term gold digger is a totally wrong way of describing this type of a woman. A financial security miner is a better word. It sounds more refined.

So let me just get to the part where I tell you why you should consider dating a gold digger.

She Will Make You Look And Feel Good

Gold diggers know that they have to look good or else they won’t get a rich man to look in their direction let alone get into a relationship with them.

She won’t spot an awfully looking weave, put on layers of makeup like it was war paint or wear clothes that make her look like she is wearing a tent.

She will work out and ensure her body is toned. She will dress to impress and look like a million bucks. When you enter a room with her, people will be picking their jaws from the floor.

Which man in this day and age wouldn’t feel good when other men see him with a stunning woman and wonder “where can I find a woman like that?”

She Won’t Embarrass You

A gold digger, rather a financial security miner, is educated and knows how to express herself. You can bring her along to your corporate dinner functions and not have to worry that she will embarrass you with her “uneducated talk”. She knows how to mingle with rich people and not seem out of place. 

She Is Good In Bed

One thing I know about a gold digger is she won’t give you the typical lights-off-under-the blanket-missionary-position kind of sex. She will seduce you, tease you and eventually give you mind blowing sex.

So you can forget about kifo cha mende or missionary position for the rest of your life if you decide to marry this type of a woman. She will give you great sex, enough to keep her in your pockets.

She Is Understanding

She knows that you have to go out there and bring home the bacon. She won’t whine about how you are only home twice a year. Provided that what she sees in her bank account is nothing less than satisfactory, she will stick by your side.

So you don’t have to worry about missing birthdays or your two week anniversary. You can take care of it by sending her a signed blank check and telling her to write any amount of money that she wants on it.

Final Word

I don’t know if the reasons I’ve given you are enough to convince you to date a financial security miner but I’ll tell you one thing; there isn’t a woman on this earth who wants to date a man and have nothing to show for it.

I’m I depraved of moral value for supporting gold diggers? I wouldn’t say so because at the end of the day, love doesn’t pay the bills, take my daughter to school or pay the rent.

So fatten your wallets gentlemen and give the women a chance to spend your money!

Is Valentines Worth All The Fuss?

I have a feeling that some of you actually cringed at this title (the sentimental few and the hopeless romantics). It's allowed. After all, we have our opinions, preferences and even different ways through which we express love. However, setting aside a day for expression of love seems a bit fallacious to me. Today apparently is the day when everything has to be done right, the setting needs to be perfect, the choice of music scintillating, the choice of food instructive, the choice of venue sensual and the choice of gift memorable.

Today, people from different corners of the world expect to be showered with love in ways they haven't experienced in a long time. While this is perfectly acceptable, I find it ridiculous that people should go out of their comfort zone just to mark a day that has no sentimental value (my opinion folks).

Today, many things will happen and people will experience different emotions. There are those who will shed tears of joy, others will be agonizing over empty promises, others will be proposed to and surely as hell, breakups are bound to be noted here and there. Humans have mastered the art of treachery and pretense. We say what is convenient simply to suit the situation and not what we really mean. In this regard, I urge the hopeless romantics not to believe every word they hear, not to be moved by the candle lit dinners and not to feel indebted as to drive down the passion road as a way of showing their gratitude. 

Today, people will do things they don't like, listen to music they probably don't like, say words they probably don't mean, and go to places they normally wouldn’t . There are those who would redefine the whole meaning of living a lie. In my own opinion, I think we’ve watched too many movies that we don't seem to make a clear demarcation between what is real and what belongs to the world of fantasies. Others will take a loan and fly to exotic places just to get laid and there are those who will be drinking their sorrows away for reasons best known to themselves. I mean, is valentine worth all the fuss?

I, the son of the retired general, think not. I plan to spend the day like any other. Drink the night away, listen to some reggae music, a bit of riddim and simply watch wrestling (yeah I love wrestling). Some of you will deem that unromantic, a bit awkward and downright insensitive so to say. Cammon! We all have a choice and I find it perfectly in order to spend my night in such a manner when everybody else will be busy living in utopia, doing things they don't like, buying gifts they can't afford and simply playing the part all under the pretext of expressing love.

If you are somewhere out there wondering how to impress him/her, stop thinking! If you didn't impress her before, chances are you won't. But then, the end justifies the means (my male counterparts agree with me on this). Ha!ha!ha! which means men are going to go out of their way just to get laid, buy expensive gifts simply to make a mark(if the age old belief is anything to go by, men and women will exploit each others weakness. Think along the lines of men being visual creatures and female being emotional creatures ahem!!). Good luck fellas. Today is the day where everything goes and you surely should give it your best shot. But then, is it worth all the fuss? I, the son of the retired general rest my case